to get reply tat send coldness to my heart or worse still no reply..

staying as friends is too cruel for me..

knowing u dun care.. or if u did.. i cant feel it..

thus decides to let this be..

me.. after 1 year.. am i still stepping on the same spot we left off with while u have walk miles down the road that i dun see you at all anymore.. not even tat familiar shadow..

am i still waiting..

am i still waiting for someone whom know how to heart me..

till today.. ur face stays.. ur number stays... very much in me... feelings stay.. and i guess.. never gonna go..

i refuse to believe u stop loving me..

i refuse to believe u stop concerning for me..

BUT y issit that u did not contact me.. y issit that u did not ask if i was fine...

am i really tat tiny in ur life that u can lift and place as and well..

am i really hindering you...

i am not as strong as i tot.. i am not as cool as u tot.. telling u.. go ahead and make ur dreams.. realise ur dreams.. i realise its not easy.. as much as i wan to support u.. i needed a shoulder once in a while to tell me.. all might just be worthwhile... but u never came.. u never came when i needed someone.. when i was in need i did i did thicken my skin and tried getting in touch with u.. but wat i got was coldness.. and as tho i am just a friend.

perhaps i am, perhaps.. i always has been.. just tat i asked.. expected too much that i din deserved.

i really dun deserved..

: how we started.. and how we walk thru happy and unhappy times.. ur foolish expression.. ur nerdy expression.. seems to be engrave in my heart..:

images that we MIGHT be studying together.. MUGGING together.. excites me since u decide to take up studies... as u SAID: Dear.. next time weekends are mugging together at my house

but looks like this will never happened.. as all has end well.. might be for u.

BUT NOT ME.

i still miss u very much..

STRANGER! if you, passing, meet me, and desire to speak to me,
why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?

~Walt Whitman~

I know it's your way of trying to stay connected to my life and where I am and where I'm going... But I desperately don't want to be defined in your head by my daytimer.

It makes me feel small.

So, if you'd like to hear from me more often... Maybe... You could... Ask me how I am? And I don't mean the hihowareyou's at the beginning of conversations.

EDIT:

I know this is kind of weird hearing this from my keyboard, but I didn't know how to say this up until now, and I am fifteen times better with words on paper than I am letting them sky dive out of my mouth.

[Ridiculous me.]

Just so you know and happen to miss me. I'll be back sooner or later. Bear with me. I miss you to!

i had a hope that our freindship would last forever

but now there's nothing I can do

today I’ll say my goodbye to you

and though i will always miss and protect you

i can't stay beside you in want you do

time will pass, it would lessen the pain

but my feelings for you will stay the same

I know your being watched and protected from up above

and hope that one day you find someone to love

 the sight of you walking away will always remine 

knowing my life from now will never be the same

i will forever miss you and cherish that knew you

but, you're going on with the rest on you life

and there really much i could try to do

and i know you're the only reason i survived

knowing that no matter how much time will past

that the memory of who you are will remain

and always the memories of you will last

and as the days grow easier, so shall the pain

i will never forget you and i will always miss you

and i hope that you will remember me in all that you do

that you have a Friend that will always be beside you

and i hope that you miss me and never forget me

One of the new friends I made is called Joel, the photografer.

Joel is exhibiting some of the work he did in Uganda with Gorillas.

If you're in Stockholm next month, go to Grandpa.

You can read more about his exhibit here and here.

I'll try to be there, even though I'm not often in Stockholm.

(photo: Joel Pettersson)

Swedish blog experience - Mymlan's way

Mymlan is doing an experience and trying to calculate how extensive a subject could get in the blog world. If you had something important to spread in a short time, how many persons would have access to it ? How many persons could you ever engage in one matter under a limitaded period of time? have you ever wondered? How fast does it work?

As she explains, the experience has been done i Jaiku, wich is not as big and open as the blog world, so it would be interesting to see how it all ends. Here's what I want all of you to do:

-Write a post with the same titel as mine, "Varm och svettig" (swedish for warm and sweaty)

-explain the meaning of this experience to your readers (to see how much and how fast you can spread information on the internet using your blog for example)

- Link back to me and to this post on mymlans blog

-the persons who read your blog and want to be part of this experience will link back to you and Mymlan (previous link)

and so on...everybody links back to where they read about in the first place and to Mymlan.

It only goes on until friday, 21:00 , Paris time. So get on to it folks!

Laura is a little calmer now in the bath tub ...but I don't think she wants to sit in there for 3 hours...unfortunatly.