I haven't been feeling to good lately. Kind of depressed I guess. I came home today and just lost it! I don't know why today, when I've been feeling this way for weeks. Grrr . . . Uber lame! ='( *sigh* oh well, what could you do?

I started listening to music that matches my mood, and I think I found THE song. The perfect song for me. I think I blogged about it before. It's a song called "Little House" by The Fray. Here , Little House

I added some things to it, just to get it off my chest. I'm not hoping that you like it, I'm just hoping that you get it.

*DISCLAIMER*
This piece is very dark and full of angst. Not suitable for closed minds or children.

MY "Little House"

She doesn't look, she doesn't see
Opens up for nobody
Figures out, she figures out

How many times do I need to be disappointed for you to get it?
What do I need to do to prove to you that I don’t need your shit in my life?
As I watch one of the people whom I can’t lie without, breathe without;
I watch them deteriorate into someone I’ve never met, not knowing how much time we have left until they’re gone . . . forever . . .

Narrow lines, she can’t decide
Everything short of suicide
Never hurts, nearly works

I need to feel it, see it.
As it runs blue in my veins;
Blue . . . Purple . . . Red . . .
I need it . . .

Something is scratching its way out
Something you want to forget about

It’s taken a hold on me.
I won’t let me go without a price.
No one knows what it wants . . . But me.
I know . . .

A part of you that will never show
You’re the only one that will ever know

There’s a reason I don’t let people in.
All they do is drain you.
Take what they want, and run.
I don’t need them.
I don’t need you.

Take it back to where it all began
Take it back, want you to understand
What it’s all about, what it’s all about

No one gets it.
No one’s seen what I’ve seen, heard what I’ve heard.
No one can honestly say that they’ve felt the same betrayal as I have for my entire life.
But you would never know it, because I would never tell you.

Something is scratching its way out
Something you want to forget about

You see me, happy, fun, loving life.
Would you be surprised to find that it’s all a lie?

No one expects you to get up
All on your own with no one around

All you’ve do is push me down.
You’ve made me want to be as numb as I am.
Thank you.

Something is scratching its way out
Something you want to forget about

I wish there was a way to repay you.
To show you what you’ve made me into, but then I remember, you would love to know what you’ve done to me.
That’s why you did it in the first place.
So as the cool steel of this razor kisses my wrist, I just wanted to say . . .
Thank you . . .

No one expects you to get up
All on your own with no one around

Thank you.

Ummm . . . Yeah, that's me. I honestly don't know what to do to help myself. I keep pointing to the obvious. What is my purpose here? Who needs me? Nobody.

Maybe some Ishkabibble will cheer me up?

Let's try that again, shall we?

*Sigh* Or maybe not . . .

Sometimes, all you need is a song to take you to another world ~

I read somewhere - "Music gives us an escape from our drama filled, teenage heart ache driven lives, a chance to actually be a part of something amazing. It gives us something amazing to believe in." - Whoa!

My list of the most amazing songs/bands which make me feel invisible. Not hard, not loud, not distorting, just plain simple and magical !! The deep, meaningful lyrics allow you to like and imagine anything you want, without saying the point of it directly. My new age rock playlist - 

1 - Lifehouse. I don't care if the band is labelled as Christian or not. Nobody else does either. Its about the music they make. Its beautiful. The first song I listened to was Breathing. I fell in love with it right there!! Other favourites include Whatever it Takes and Everything.  

2 - Goo Goo Dolls. Iris. Beautifully depressing !! Check out the band playing at the concert in the rain!! Whoa*

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

3 - Hoobastank. The Reason. The End. ( Don't you just admire the video ?! ).

4 - The Fray. How to Save a Life. If this reminds you of Grey's Anatomy, this is it. It lost to Dani California by RHCP at the Grammy's. The verses of the song describe an attempt by an adult to confront a troubled teen. In the chorus, the singer laments that he himself was unable to save a friend because he did not know how. Its just beautiful. 

5 - Thunder by Boys Like Girls. ( Yeah, I know its a dumb name for a Band, but whatever! ) The acoustic version beats all other versions. I love every second of this song. Sucha beautiful voice as well!! Check out the song here.

( P.S.- I'm not an Incubus fan, but what the heck, I flicked the title from 'em anyway! )

.

1. My Immortal- Evanssence^
2. Take a Bow-Rihanna
3. Wake Up Call-Maroon 5
4. Over My Head (Cable Car)-The Fray
5. Apologize-OneRepublic
6. How To Save a Life-The Fray*
7. And More..

We will post the videos as soon as we get the songs good and work on them.

*Coming soon

^Here

[gallery]

Brandi Carlile - The Story

Ingrid Michealson - The way i am

Keane - Somewhere only we know

The Fray - How to save a life

Psapp - Cosy in the rocket

1. Creed - My Sacrifice
2. T.I et Rihanna - Live your life
3. Tunisiano - Le regard des gens
4. Chris Cornell - Scream
5. The Fray - She Is
6. Akon Feat. Kardinal Offishall - Dangerous
7. Keane - Nothing In My Way

Je m'arrête a 7 entrée ca me porte chance (j'en ai besoin en ce moment lol)

Bonne Hibernation

I love this song. But it makes me sad. I hope you like it, and it will make you think.

2000-Now

In The End - Linkin Park

Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang

Welcome to The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance

Hanging By A Moment – Lifehouse

Pardon Me – Incubus

Californiacation – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down

How To Save A Life – The Fray

My Immortal – Evanescence

Down – Blink 182

Steady As She Goes – The Raconteurs

Pork and Beans – Weezer

Courtney and I recently took the youth group to see the Music Builds tour at the Time Warner Cable Pavilion here in Raleigh. The kids have been asking to go see a concert, and I thought this would be a great show to see. It was OK. To quote my brother-in-law, Switchfoot was a beautiful letdown, and as much as I love Third Day, their newest album didn't really do it for me (at least at the concert).

The concert was interesting. To my surprise, the Pavilion continued to sell alcoholic beverages. At least one kid was surprised, though he thought nothing of having a youth party at a bar in someone's house. But honestly, neither this or the numerous people smoking cigarettes bothered me. Since moving to North Carolina, I now really get the jokes about deacons being required to smoke. And I certainly think that someone who is "of age" can partake of alcohol or tobacco. But mainly, Courtney and I just jokingly called all the drinkers and smokers (most of whom were the exact same people) "Switchfoot fans" to make ourselves feel better. Certainly no Jars of Clay or Third Day fan would ever partake. ;)

But I digress. I simply found that to be humorous. If you've ever been to a Third Day concert, you know to expect one thing. They will make their concerts like an extended worship session at a youth camp. While some of the other bands have lyrics that are more ambiguous or simply benign (and I am by no means saying this is even remotely close to a bad thing), Third Day, for the most part, has very blatantly Christian lyrics. And they intend to "have church" at their concerts (a phrase used by the lead singer during a more solemn moment at another concert of theirs I attended).

So there we are, with an emotional, quiet moment in the concert. We have this prayer for God to work in people's lives. Then Mac asks people to shout for Jesus, or whatever, and people do. I thought there was going to be an invitation at one point (and I'm still slightly surprised there was not). And the concert ends with all of us swaying to Jars of Clay's rendition to "I'll Fly Away."

We all make our way to the parking lot to leave. This was the fourth time Courtney and I have been to this venue, and several of the kids in the youth group have been before as well. The crowd was significantly smaller than normal--maybe half the size or even a little less. When we got to the car, traffic was less than enjoyable--much as one would expect from a concert. We got in the church van and waited....and waited....and waited. I was annoyed at how long we simply sat and did nothing. The kids were all whining that "it didn't take this long at the Brad Paisley concert!"

And they were right. Annoyingly whiny, but right. And I knew it. I've seen the Dave Matthews Band twice (once at this venue), Jimmy Buffett three times (once at this venue), John Mayer twice, Aerosmith, Goo Goo Dolls and Counting Crows (at this venue), Sting and the Police, The Fray, and several others. I've been to about a dozen major college football games, a handful of professional sporting events, and various other events that tend to draw very large crowds. Yet the parking lot after this concert was the most frustrating and unruly I've ever seen. Period.

Usually, as you attempt to navigate the parking lot, you basically see every other car being let in by a nice event-goer. When you arrive at a crossroads in the parking lot, you let a car out in front of you. Everybody lets a car go in front of them, people return the favor to others and the lines move fairly swiftly. Then, you see that most of the time, the staff or police have set up certain directions they want people to drive. They do this to help expedite the process. The lines move quicker and there are fewer accidents (even with all the drunk or high drivers at some of these events) because of these simple directions.

But this after concert parking lot was the exact opposite. People were riding inches from the bumper of the person in front of them to keep anyone from nosing their way into line. Cars would cut you off and nearly hit you if you let one person in. Left and right, people were disregarding the orderly way that had been set up to leave. You could watch car after car cutting across the parking lot, aimed for the front corner. This all served to make matters worse, and the traffic more congested. Very few people would wave anyone in. It was every person for his or her self, and it bordered on being chaos. The result--it took us longer to get out of this concert than any event I've ever been to.

I thought about a story Rob Bell told in his book Velvet Elvis. When they started their church, they almost immediately had space problems. Internal space problems, and external space problems. Bell tells how people were shouting, fighting, cursing and offering each other sweet hand gestures in the parking lot after church. So Bell stood up one Sunday morning and told the congregation that all were welcome to attend church--Christians and non-Christians alike. But, for those who would claim to be a Christian and couldn't even act like it in the parking lot after church, they needed to go somewhere else. Jesus didn't die so we could act like jerks, and they needed the extra seats anyway.

While I didn't actually see any cursing or vulgar hand gestures, the behavior of so many who just walked out of the doors of a "Christian" concert was appalling. Only a couple of people were nice enough to allow any out of their parking spots or rows. In fairness, most people were not cutting all directions across the parking lot, but a decent number of people were. Courtney and I tried to relieve the tension by continuing to call these many rude motorists "Switchfoot fans," but we knew the truth. There's no way that many people came to see Switchfoot.

My whole point is this. Where was Jesus in all of this? I know the systematic theology answer that says Jesus is everywhere. I mean in a more personal sense, where was Jesus? What happened to all these people who were praying, hugging, crying, hands-in-the-air just a few minutes before? I find it absurd that the parking lot after a Christian concert was by far the worst out of all the events I've been to. I know that other than my wife, probably no one who was at that concert will read this. I wish they would. We should be much better than that. It's a travesty that the world acts more like Christians in the parking lot than Christians leaving a Christian concert.

Caveats:
-Yes, we let several cars in front of us, and several more who helped themselves.
-Yes, I realize I am a hypocrite and do not act like Jesus at every turn.
-I mean no disrespect to Switchfoot nor to their fans. By no means do I think that all Switchfoot fans are somehow pagans. I meant all of that in good fun. The reality is, I'm jealous that I could not sit and smoke my pipe and share an adult beverage with them. And honestly, they were probably the better ones in the parking lot anyway.

Wait, let me digress a minute.  Perhaps creation care is part of Arlo's message since he did get arrested for littering and that's what started the whole crazy mess.  And that's Biblical for sure.

Ok, back on track here.  At least on the track of non-tracks.  Or stepping out of the rat race.

You know those days when we want to put a sign on our heads for those around us to see, a sign that, like our city buses, says "Bus Not in Service?"  That means "Don't even wave me down.  Don't even think of trying to jump on.  This bus is not for you.  It's heading for home or the shop or somewhere else... but it's not for you."

That's the sign that goes on our heads (or pours out our ears with smoke) when we haven't been respecting our need for Sabbath.

I know I'm at that "Freak Out" place when I start singing Gnarls Barkley's Crazy chorus:

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

or the chorus of The Fray's Over My Head:

I'm in over my head
Stuck in the red
Somethin they said
Makes me think that I'm in over my head
Over my head
Over my head

I doubt I'd agree with all of the songs' lyrics if I even knew them.  I just hear the choruses resonating in my brain ever since one of my daughters played Over My Head for me and encouraged me to ice skate in the green lake on my kitchen floor when I spilled four quarts of avocado soup just before a ladies luncheon.  Skate, we did!  So I love that song.

And it reminds me that I'm not the boss of this crazy life of mine, and I need to say, like Anthony Newley of old, "Stop the World; I Want to Get Off!" before someone asks me to get off.

God planned it that we'd hit that point about every seven days.  Seven's the perfect Biblical number, about the right time to stop and smell the roses, hit the pillow, do nothing.

It's a gift, not a curse, and I am glad!

Las rolas que más me laten son:

How To Save A Life
Over My Head Cable Car
Look After You

Les dejo el video de la primera rola que es mi favorita entre éstas 3, habla sobre las drogas y de tener a un amigo dentro de esa horrible adicción, cabe resaltar que el vocalista la escribió cuando se encontraba en una situación similar:

El video de Grey's Anatomy...

Espero que les guste... See'ya

Chords used in this song:

Gm
Bb
F
Eb
Bb F
Step one you say we need to talk
Gm F F/C Bb
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
F Gm
He smiles politely back at you
F F/C Bb
You stare politely right on through
F Gm
Some sort of window to your right
F F/C Bb
As he goes left and you stay right
F Gm
Between the lines of fear and blame
F F/C
And you begin to wonder why you came

Eb F Gm
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
F F/C
Somewhere along in the bitterness
Eb F Gm
And I would have stayed up with you all night
F F/C Bb
Had I known how to save a life

SAME GOES FOR THE REST

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

The Fray - "Dixie," Performed live in Waterfront Camden, NJ

The Fray - "Absolute," Performed live in Phoenix, AZ

So this got me a little teary-eyed. As many of you know, I am a huge "Star Wars" fan, and even plan on making another "Star Wars" fan film after I complete three original films. My little cousins inspired this decision of mine since they were so captivated by some of my earlier "Star Wars" fan films. Before leaving, one of my cousins said to me, "when are you going to make another 'Star Wars' movie?" The magic and excitement in his eyes were impossible to ignore. It reminded me how I would Love to make a few films especially for children. Like I said, I have three films -- which are all original -- that I want to complete first, and then for fun, I want to just make another "Star Wars" fan film especially for my cousin. I want to make it soon too because he could grow out of it when he hits his teens (I know I didn't grow out of it, lol, but it varies from person to person).

Anyway, I found this video on YouTube while I was searching for the song, "How to Save a Life," and what do you know, I happened to find one with "Star Wars" footage. I think this video is brilliantly edited. The song and lyrics fit the visuals perfectly. It shows the tragedy of a really wonderful friendship between Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen). "Star Wars" is one of those rare films/stories where I can actually get emotionally involved with the characters, but I can also relate it to my own life. I'm sure a lot of us have lost friends -- either because of heartbreak, arguments, death, or even distance.

If you haven't seen the "Star Wars" films (particularly Episodes 1-3), this video pretty much tells the whole story in visuals. It shows Anakin Skywalker as an innocent 10 year-old (as seen in Episode 1) and then how he matures into a Jedi Knight (as seen in Episode 2), and finally, falls to the Dark Side and becomes Darth Vader (as seen in Episode 3).

Since I am making a film right now about friendship (more details on that soon! I'm almost wrapped up with it!), I know there are things in life that separate us from other people. Sometimes, we have to separate from these people and we suffer from a lot of pain. I believe that friendship is strong enough to best the storms and overcome the differences. I know there have been times when I asked myself, "where did I go wrong?" How can such a beautiful friendship fall to darkness? You have all these flashbacks and still can't believe what happened.  Anakin was suffering from inner conflict and pain, but he didn't tell Obi-Wan about it.  He didn't open himself up to his friend, and instead, darkness overwhelmed him and clouded his mind.  It made him think that Obi-Wan was his enemy.  When we have arguments with our friends, we sometimes think that they are the problem.  We think that we are always right, and they are wrong.

I want to be there for my friends. Without our friends, we would not be the same person that we are today. I don't like being separated. I want them all to know that I Love them and if they ever want to talk to me about anything or need anything, I am always here. If you are lost, tell me, and we can be lost together. We can find our way together. We can stay up all night and work things out. Encouragement and emotional support is so important and it means so much to people. Arguments and differences are inevitable, but that doesn't mean there is no more Love. There is always Love. We just have to remember that.

~Broken Mystic~

Aberaţii despre muzică am scris întotdeauna, sau măcar le-am gândit. Mă gândesc mereu că o melodie sau alta mă face să simt chestii ştiinţifo-fantastice, rupte din Asimov sau Eminescu - încă nu m-am hotărât bine -  pe care să le amestec cu unt pe pâine şi ceai comunist.

Muzica e un drog, el e un drog - asta ma face narcomană?

Dacă respir ciudat şi mi se taie picioarele când îl văd, e normal? Şi e normal să-mi placă gesturile lui de geniu nebun cu zâmbet de copil şi muzica lui ciudată? Sau e normal să imi placă o melodie care mă face să mă gândesc la el sau la cum sărută sau la cum îi stă părul?

Drog pentru auz şi pentru suflet, combinat cu respiraţie si picioare grele. Rochii de stradă şi de bulevard, cămăşi şifonate şi FruFru, pantofi de damă scumpă sau scumpi, muzică pentru nebuni, sărut pentru bolnavi, şi peste toate dependenţa...

Aş pune o melodie de la The Fray - Look After You, sau Poets Of The Fall - Beautiful Ones, sau The Killers - Sweet Talk. Nu mai pun. Cine vrea, să-şi caute.

Es ist lange, und damit meine ich WIRKLICH lange, her, dass mich ein Album einer Band so umgehauen hat wie "How To Save A Life". Ehrlich Leute. The Fray sind eine mehr als anständige Mischung aus Piano, Gitarren und wundervollen Texten, die von einer doch recht angenehmen Männerstimme gesungen werden. Und nebenbei bemerkt: Sie sind wahnsinnig inspirierend. The Fray zaubern viele Bilder in meinen hübschen Kopf, die nur danach SCHREIEN von mir niedergezeichnet bzw fotografiert zu werden und jede Band, die soetwas bei mir zu tun vermag, gehört automatisch auf die Liste meiner persönlichen Musen. Yay. Lange Rede, kurzer Sinn:

Me <3 The Fray

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
‘Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life