lesbiene

poligon de tragere

Sample this:

• funny writings for orkut (funny writings??)
• baatein notes (Yeh kya hota hai bhai?)
• idea for writing testimonials in orkut (Should I send a copywriter)
• the best way to kill an idea (Maar Daalo!)
• nice praises for writing testimonial (Why you searching for something like this?)
• 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1(Yes I know that you know how to count backwards!)
• sing to orkut (Gao gao gaana gao...)
• how to say sky in punjabi (Hai rabba)

Anyway.  One of the streams is 'search engine terms'  - what folks googled to find a link to mine. 
And there it was:  harlem goebbels

Harlem Goebbels?

I have no idea how to feel about this.

These are terms people used to find your blog.

Today

     Look at that one!  The second-to-last one.  Someone wants to make me into a fantasy model!

     Someone wants to make me into a fantasy model???!!!

      (I am laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my cheeks.) 

     I wonder what post it sent them to?

So, in the process of sorting out my intermess, I came across my favorite fellas: the search engine terms! 

TaDaaahhhh!  Here are the ones I found waiting for me after three days.  Enjoy!  These are all true search terms and truly have not been doctored in any way by the author who has had Travelcalm.

the things you can't tell - That you have had Travelcalm earlier today?  Sadly, if you don't tell me, I certainly can't tell you.

cob loaf dips - You can find my recipe here, eventually.

stepford husband - He's my Stepford Husband, please go and train your own

what if I got alpaca spit in my mouth - Oh Honey!  Go and wash it out!!  Other than that, you have my sincere condolences.  I'd like to ask you how you got alpaca spit in your mouth, but I'm worried it's an aswer I don't want to hear.  Alpaca spit won't kill you, in fact, it's probably got all sorts of health giving things in it that will be marketed at exorbitant prices in 6 years time.  But really, again, I'm so so sorry!

feeding chooks cooked hot food - Please do. If it's winter, they'll love you for life...or until they get distracted by something shiny.  Whichever comes first.  Buy my book.

hot dip in a cob loaf - Reminds me of Stepford Husband's saying "Hot tongue and cold shoulder" as in "If I get home late again, I'll be getting hot tongue and cold shoulder!"

betty page fringe - mine has grown out now, but I'd do it again - only next time I'll choose a place that doesn't give you a fringe cut for $5.

spinach dip in a cob + recipe - Seriously, more people come to Laugh in the Sun looking for  cob loaf dip than anything else.  I so hope they aren't disappointed.

it was fun fun fun when we was laughing - I am very pleased to know that, but I reckon that should have been the first line on a Window's New Document, instead of the little space on your Google search page.  I'd love to read the next part, if you're out there.

i type well when drunk - That sounds less like a search term and more like a showoffy statement that you'd like to rub my nose in.  I THINK I type well when drunk, but when I read it back the next day I cringe from my bottom up.  I don't type well on Travelcalm.  At all.

what you can tell by someone laugh - Now, this sounds like someone else has had their Travelcalm today!  Howareya! My name is

bigbum - It always come back to my bum, doesn't it?  I wonder if the picture of the chicken that you'd see if you came to this site looking up 'bigbum' would be at all useful for you?

And now we return you to your regular program, sponsored by 'Naturehealth's latest product: Alpaca Globsules - Good for what ails you!' and 'Travelcalm'

Today's example being;

Search
'Polaroid of sleeping on a bus'

Views
2

Not once but twice! Isn't that
probably one of the most
random thing to search specifically
for and then to find this blog and
think you found the
jackpot by the short description
that google gives you to justify
its result.

And yes I've looked and yeah it
seems that this little blog
was there

For my husband, you know, DarcKnyt?  I saw this and knew I’d have to post it for him.  Someone’s put out the bat-signal, Love!  ;) 

more cat pictures  

So now I’m on Atkins.  *sigh*  I miss cookies!

The Rainbow Effect – This worksafe video will only confound you.  I don’t know where in NoCal she is, but when I was a little girl in NoCal– more than 20 years ago – I experienced the same effect on a daily basis.  And often more than once a day!  It’s a conspiracy!!

I got this in my search terms a day or so ago …

I saw this and thought, Woo!  Someone looking for Aerosmith found my blog!  I love that!  So, for that searcher, here’s the song you were looking for.  :D

It’s Friday!  Have a great weekend!

[caption id="attachment_207" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Emma's first day of 1st grade"][/caption]

If I squint really hard, concentrate with all my might, I can picture my first grade.  Actually, I went to two different schools in first grade.  I only have a few memories.  Here they are in no particular order:

1.  I remember I wet my pants and had to wear boys underwear because that's all the nurse had.

2.  I remember I went to a Christian school for a couple of months and everyone was really mean.  They sang songs like "The 12 Pink Slips" (given to bad kids who got paddled). 

3.  I was way into Strawberry Shortcake.

4.  My teacher, Mrs. Scroggins, had a baby and my mom made her baby a blanket.

5.  Phonics.

And that's it.  That's the culmination of my first grade memories.

Tomorrow is Addie's first day of K-4.  She's getting staggered in, which makes her think she's getting stabbed.  Poor kid.

On a different note...

Occassionally folks happen upon this blog because of crazy terms they use to search.  I happen to have a list and they are hilarious.  Here are some of the best:

left husband met online

Which I write about all the time, don'tcha think?

lance sensation fabric softener

Huh?  Look I can type random words too:  stapler, tooth brush, airplane.

castrating calves

Yes!  My favorite subject, and wonderful dinner conversation too, I might add.

los angeles pinball

Ummm, I have no response for this. 

"am i hot"

Well, duh.  Didn't you see this picture?

horse having gigantic sloppy stinky poo on human cartoons

Wow.  I can see where my blog contains lots of horses having gigantic sloppy stinky poos.  You're not cool unless this is your blog topic of choice.

knit pattern sesame st alien yep yep

I'm curious.  Whoever typed this in, are you on crack?  Just wondering.

Well, tomorrow is another big day for the Murphy's as Addie heads off to "real" school.  So stay tuned.

Some fellow bloggers frequently post their most odd, hilarious, and downright bizarre searches they've received and I'd thought I'd do the same for Awesomeness. Granted, I do have some pretty adult themes going on at times, so it's really no surprise that a large number of searches that have steered the porndogs and degenerates to my site are sex/porn related...What ya' gonna' do? It IS the internet...

First up, the most common search terms:

-Anything having to do with Adam "Bulletproof" Reposa, the self proclaimed DWI Stud!

-Anything having to do with Roy Shildt, the self proclaimed Mr. Awesome and his fabled Rich And Famous Fellatio Hall Of Fame!

-Gay truckers, leather trucker, trucker gay, naked gay trucker...hmmmm, who knew these burly, gay, kings of the road had such an internet following?

The second most popular searches are:

-tits, lots of tits, tit flashing, tit flash, hairy tits (?!), tits myspace, flash your tits, tits photobucket, tits st louis, zombie tits, tit flashing for money, concert tit flashing, mardi gras tits, sports tit flash, radio flashing tits, tit flash on highway, tit flashing women..........whew, that's a lot of tits!

You know what goes good with tits? That's right, ASS!

-big hairy ass, chick with hairy arse, girl with hairy ass, hairy chick ass, hairy ass girl, bigass with hand, homemade booty, booty meat, new booty meat 2008, youtube booty meat, booty pum pum, bare booty meat, sexy girls sake there booty, in my big ass, mexican gaping asshole, ....eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww....I never knew hairy asses were in such demand.

People just love some naked celebs:

-sandra bernhard naked, brian austin green naked, catherine avril morris naked....Wha'?! Hey y'all, Catherine is a very good friend of mine...Even if I had naked pictures of my buddy (which I don't), I certainly wouldn't be plastering them all over the goddamned internet!

The best of the rest:

-his junk (I love the simplicity of this one.)

-hot turd play, big turds

-gay skinhead, gay tattoos, white power skinhead tattoos, offensive tattoos, gay pride tattoos

-tina fey scar on face, tina fey face scares....I'm not too sure if they thought Tina's face was scary or if they we're just wondering about her awesome scar?

-calm the fuck down + fart

-explain bodily functions fart

-dog fuk wife.....This is not that type of blog, dude.

-extreme old man homo fisting....Again, this is not that type of blog.

-prepubescent girls...Seriously, this topic will not be addressed here...Okay, maybe the whole dog fucking someone's wife or some extreme elderly fisting, but I will not get sucked into some creepy shit.

-vic morrow decapitation...I blame Myrt for this one.

-freemblap...I blame Steve and Pom for this one.

There are a ton more that have slipped through the cracks, but I think you get the point....Oh, my all time favorite search term has to be:

MUSCLE PIGLET

It just conjures up so many different images in my mind...this being one of them!

Later, Boners!

Regardless, I had no idea that as many folks would be checking in and seeing what I have to say.  Family and friends from all over have commented to me either on the blog or directly by email for encouragement and just to say "hey, we need to catch up." 

Here's a peek at what my stats look like.  Let me also say that I know it doesn't hold a candle to some of the heavyweight bloggers like Pete, Anne or Carlos but regardless here's my pretty healthy little stats.  (By the way, notice I didn't link to those folks so they wouldn't get Technorati points, hahaha)

Blog Stats

Total views: 7,808

Busiest day: 211

Totals

Posts: 91

Comments: 453

Categories: 30

Tags: 183

If you notice the little map on the right-hand side it shows where my visitors are from.  As of last week, I've reached all of the continents (minus antarctica which doesn't have any computers anyways). 

So here's the best part about blog stats.  As most of the blogosphere knows, there is a tool that allows you to see what people are searching for on a search engine when they find stumble upon your blog.  Most are intentional but you get some pretty random ones.  Up until about 3 weeks ago, I had kept my blog off of search engines.  I decided that it might be worth "going public" and when I did, the funky search engine terms started rolling in.  Here's some of my faves:

"i hate my pregnant wife"  -  Really?  So you sought advise from Google????

"baby name jad", "cool people names" - Although two different terms, Yes, I think you should name your baby Jad and yes it's a cool person name.

"famous actors with fast metabolism" - Metabolism of the stars.  Really, who cares? 

"my stacked wife" - Are you proud or are you looking for support? 

At this point, I realize that blogging can reach thousands of people in a short time.  Just look at fifth streetor the waxy one's maps.  In the hands of the right people blogging can be a very powerful tool. 

ancient city ubar
"ass warden"+stream
eq2 grue
epeen
eaten people game
spider lady

Why on earth would someone be looking for an ubar ancient city? LOL Guess some sort of surfer archaeologist...

"ass warden"...that right there makes me scratch my head. For one, why would you be looking for a stream involving an "ass warden". Secondly, what the hell is an "ass warden"? Is that like some new EQ2 class?

eq2 grue...now that's a funny combination. Would be awesome if SOE made reference to the Ur-Grue  in EQ2, but there's probably some copyright stuff with Activision to work out (they bought Infocom in the early 90's).

epeen...the ever popular epeen...w00t.

OK, so what weird ass person is looking for "eaten people game" on the internet? That's just a wee bit disturbing, and how the hell did it get them to my blog?

"spider lady" seems to get a lot of traffic to me, I'm not terribly sure why the internet is obsessed with spider women.

Having spent hours and hours wrestling with online systems such as Word Tracker to work out what people might actually be searching for - I gave a huge sigh of relief when a SEO specialist friend of mine said "The best way to find out what people search for is to ask a few people you know what they would type into a search engine when they're looking for the sort of services you offer."

Wow - that means working with human beings rather than automated systems!  Much better - and, given that it's a human being that types the search terms in, probably at least as reliable (and much less confusing).

Don't go mad - you need just 2 or 3 terms and should use each one between 2-4 times in the copy - making sure that the copy flows naturally, otherwise people just won't read it.

There are other terms that are lower down the list that could be introduced here and there, to reinforce the message.  For instance, if you are a coach specialising in career development, the search terms might be:

How to get promoted

Fast track promotion

Career development

So you'd need to use these terms 2-4 times in the main part of the text.

You might also try to knit in:

Getting promoted

Improve your career path

Become more successful

Promotion to manager

Promoted to manager

Career path improvement

... and, although you might not get all of these in, if you can add three or four of them at least once, it will help to add to the key word 'cloud' - all the words that are related to the subject.

Just remember that the copy must make sense and feel natural to read - or people simply stop reading and don't get the message.

I thought about continuing the Scott/Natalie tradition of posting a daily entry of my British travels, but let's face it: I'm lazy. So instead I have decided to post the search engine terms that have led people to this site, which I have been collecting for the past month or so. You see, I wasn't aware that websites were privy to that sort of information until we started up The Noising Machine. It's kind of strange what sort of words and phrases for which people search the internet. So here are the highlights, or if you prefer, lowlights.

doritos history corn toasted
gross mario
+painted ladies +des moines +80/35 +phot
girls with big butts and naked
zombie clown diary dead
animal and same-sex marriage
obama nude (4 searches)
saul mirsky (6 searches)
classic car mustache man
funky white boys quote
electrocution sounds
ringo starr is an asshole
sickest films amityville ii
ape sex
rainforest babes hot sex
top 10 creepy things about mario
barf sound machine
april 'o' neil is fucked by the shredder
scott is not a cunt
machine to make doritos
link and zelda have sex
massive mammaries
mario vs hannah montana
asian guy from karate kid
rag basketball reading rainbow video
my brother love's myspace youtube
great tit sounds
what happened to tree man on tlc?

I can only hope we haven't ruined Saul Mirksy's (Natalie's father) reputation with this blog.

Ryan

"kinga stuffs a wine bottle up her cunt"

Congrats to whatever uniquely perverted individual decided that this is something they want to see on a Wednesday evening, with a glass of wine and a box of kleenex. Not satisfied with the benefit of the doubt, that maybe you looked up a fat chav who completely misinterpreted the dual concepts of 'national tv' and (cough) 'red wine' by mistake, you decided to confirm our suspicions by looking it up twice! You sir, and its always a sir, make us all look bad.

I really wish I had more of a right to moral highground for which to clobber this mother into the ground, pity.

-dirty socks

-black booger in child

-mens durty white socks (their misspelling, not mine)

-writing lines punishment

-can't sleep, bugs on me

-barefeet dirty

-how to take small ball out of ear

-popcorn in nose

Ooookay.  So I'm just kind of wondering what type of impression I'm giving off here.

Search Views
hives 3
letter to my husband 3
hives. 1
why do animals have and pink eyes 1
baby hives on cheeks 1
hives on face 1

Yesterday
Search Views
hives 7
alexa aigner 3
hives on the back 2
preschooler hives 2
no bra no shirt just big boobs 1
no bra tank top 1
hives breakout 1

Oh, and just so that you know, the whole bra - no bra thing has really brought out some weird search engine terms as well.  The one above about 'just big boobs' - Dude (well, I hope you are a dude), just type 'Porn' - much shorter to type and will get you there quicker so that you can 'get off' the computer quicker.

So here is my take on it all. The guy that was searching for "living up to my wife's expectations", I sort of feel bad for the guy. I bet he is sad. The rest of the stuff is pretty straight forward creepy stuff. I'll let you sort it all out for yourselves.

1) Sombrero

2) Sneezes

3) Illusions

4) Jenny Lewis

5) Suicides (Morbid!)

... I'll leave a photo example off of this one. :)

...which means I'm throwing back my head in a mad, triumphant laugh because I'm in the middle of Bon Echo Park and NOT DOING LAUNDRY AH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

..and also it's List Day.

I always like to look at the search engine terms on my dashboard.

Sometimes I feel sad that people came and wasted their time. One such instance is the day someone who wanted to know about suitable containers for turtles stumbled on my Wordless Wednesday entry, "Turtle's Container Container", which in fact has nothing to do with turtles.

Other times I'm sad to see how many people want more information about megaesophagus. I wrote several somewhat informative entries on it, which I hope have helped a few people; but I hate to think that their dog is sick.

Still other times, though, the search engine terms make me smile for one reason or another.

So I'm stealing an idea I first saw on Alyson's Laugh in the Sun, and listing a few search engine terms that anonymous strangers have used in order to arrive at my blog.

Here's a list of ten of them, with my silly comments. Enjoy!

1. unfocussed water -- Water does grow inattentive as it tires.
2. turtle toodle -- Is there a turtle version of the perpetually paw-waving Oriental cat?
3. light avocado -- They probably wanted a recipe; what they got was a paint colour.
4. stripped maple tree -- They're studying bark damage, and got directed to a piece on the Striped Maple; google can't spell.
5. largest raccoon ever killed -- Are you holding a contest? I'm busy that evening.
6. chipmunk droppings -- For baiting the raccoons, I suspect.
7. eastern garbage patch -- My potager could be called that by midsummer.
8. fun name of the kitten boy -- I won't twit this one; it sounds like a child wrote it, and I hope s/he enjoyed reading how Cuca was named. Or Lucas. Or both; except it was just the one cat.
9. benefits of owning a llama -- Among other things, they generate great stories.
10. papasan can't take it no more -- And the bookshelves are striking for better wages.

granny opened her legs wider

I am very disturbed by some folk's Google searches. I am more disturbed that their disturbing searches bring them here!!!

10. bun words
I'm sure this person found my blog because I have multiple posts about bunnies. I also have multiple posts about words. However, what are "bun words"?

9. words of finances
"Words of finances"? I hope this person wasn't trying to find financial advice. If so, he or she came to the wrong place. :)

8. tosting
What is "tosting"? Is it like "toasting"? Are bad spellers looking for ways to speak well of friends at upcoming celebrations?

7. bandaged kitten pictures
This is just cute. This person was probably disappointed, as I do not have any pictures of bandaged kittens on this blog.

6. sixty2 on wharf
I mention this because it is the most common term people have searched for before ending up on my blog. Great restaurant. I've said some good things about them and I'm possibly sending them lots of tourist business! Maybe they want to advertise here? ;)

5. mangate signs
What is a "mangate"? Still curious.

4. pink warts dogs mouth golden retreiver
Someone's poor golden retriever had puppy warts, just like my dog, Callie. Ew.

3. what breed of dog is the poky little pup
What breed of dog is the poky little pup? This is another cute one. Does someone want to adopt a dog that looks just like the little Golden Book puppy?

2. dead animal
I did once briefly mention a dead animal found at the end of our dock. However, who searches for "dead animal"? Someone who just wants to see gross pictures? Again, ew.

1. ryan phillipe body pics
This is the most baffling to me. First of all, this person is interested in Ryan Phillippe, yet cannot spell his name correctly. Second, I have never posted body pics of anyone, especially not any B-list actors. I've never even posted something with "Ryan" or "Phillipe," as far as I can remember. Another disappointed searcher.

1.  N*ked Kristen Bell pictures

For those of you who may not know.   I am on the look out for these same pictures.  If you have any, please forward to me.

2.  I woke up and I was peeing

3.  Peeing in b*tt

4.  Pee on my b*tt.com

I didn't have the courage to see if the site actually exists.

5.  Why do I pee when I have things in my b*tt

6.  Butt smells like cheese

7.  Problems with dogs eating human waste

Maybe because it smells like cheese?

8.  Dog vomit that smells like bile

9.  Don't eat moldy strawberries

10.  Why do strawberries mold

11.  B**bs and softball

I will also accept these pictures as substitutes for item #1.

12.   who is the smartest man alive

Please note there are many searches for the smartest man that brings people to my blog.  It is nice to be thought of so highly! :)

13.  Sweet tarts sore tongue

This situation was a result on one of my not so smart moments and resulted in...

14.  Blisters on my tongue

Finally.   I want to meet the person/people who find my site searching for Deputy Dawg.  I get about 5-7 hits a day from someone on the hunt for this infamous crime fighter.

Fess up...SCOTTIE?!?!?!?!

I get a real kick sometimes out of the search engine terms people use to find my blog. Here's some of the best from the last couple weeks.

nutritional value of a Whoopie Pie - Like they have any!

Christmas to-do list - Who's the over-organized person starting to plan for Christmas in June?

girdlegirl- What?

date me 2008 online free site Chile - Huh?

steps for a husband to follow - Steps for what? Murdering your wife and getting away with it?

And finally...

myt hot mommie

mommie seduction

hotsoccermom.com

Bet those guys were disappointed.