So, I am realizing that I haven't blogged in a few days, and moreover, I haven't had a lighthearted blog in a few weeks. I think that the seriousness, and self-reflection going on in my blogs right now reflects my state of being in a lot of ways, and the fact that I am growing and changing, and learning how to deal with things in a productive way for the first time. That, however is beside the point right now.

My good friend Joe wrote a note on facebook posting his top played songs on iTunes, and explaining how they kind of reflected him at different times. I'm going to do the same, because I am a blogging pirate.

1. "Headstrong," Jars of Clay - 85 plays. This song has been huge for me in the past 10 months. It's reflective, and kind of angry, and intelligent, and I just love it.
2. "One Thing," Finger Eleven - 82 plays. This has been my top played for a long time. It's a good driving song. It's just recently been overtaken. I doubt I'll ever get tired of it.
3. "Think I'm In Love," Beck - 75 plays. This song is cute. I just enjoy it.
4. "No Rain," Blind Melon - 70 plays. Sad song, happy feeling. Paradoxical goodness.
5. "Free Fallin'," Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - 68 plays. This song is just classic, and fantastic, and there is little better than screaming it, driving, with the windows rolled down.
6. "She Talks to Angels," The Black Crowes - 64 plays. This song was a huge part of me first semester last year. It still holds a lot of emotion for me, but I don't really listen to it much anymore.
7. "Why Georgia," John Mayer - 63 plays. There is something about this song that makes me feel free.
8. "Drops of Jupiter," Train - 61 plays. "Can you imagine no love, pride, deep fried chicken, your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I knew you're wrong? Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance, five-hour phone conversations, the best soy latte that you ever had, and me?"
9. "I'll Make A Man Out of You," Chorus-Mulan & Donny Osmond - 59 Plays. This song to me is the band bus senior year, and dancing at SLR.
10. "Girlfriend," Avril Lavigne - 58 plays. I can't believe this is on here. Kathryn and I really enjoy jamming out to it though.
11. "Someday," LaRue - 58 plays. This song reminds me of Denise, is how Kels and I became friends [well, that and the red thong], and gives me hope for my love life. It's very useful.
12. "Lump," TPOTUSA - 58 plays. This song was huge for me when I was in Seattle, and after I came home. It's fun, and definitively grunge, and nonsensical, and awesome.
13. "Bubbly," Colbie Callait - 57 plays. Again, First Semester Freshman year.
14. "It's Not Over," Daughtry - 57 plays. I'm surprised this is on here. Apparently, I like it though.
15. "Love Shack," B-52's - 56 plays. You can't not love this. I have lots of memories in lots of places with this song. It's way, way fun.
16. "I'll Stand By You," Carrie Underwood - 55 plays. This takes me back to Senior Year, right after Denise left Jasper.
17. "Open Road Song," Eve 6 - 55 plays. This song reminds me of going to Alabama, and of Yorkie, and as a result, Kelsey Chandler, and of Physics.
18. "Jack and Diane," John Mellencamp - 55 plays. This is just cute, and fun, and I like it.
19. "You Can't Stop the Beat," Hairspray - 54 plays. So much fun. Seriously.
20. "Take Me Or Leave Me," RENT - 54 plays. I would like to to take this opportunity to apologize to all the people who I have made sing along to this with me, and "let me be Joanne."
21. "Feel Good Inc.," Gorillaz - 53 plays. I enjoy dancing around to this song in a ridiculous fashion.
22. "Best of You," Foo FIghters - 49 plays. My personal angry song.
23. "I Can't Make You Love Me," Bonnie Raitt - 46 plays. Story of my life. I think this song went from zero to top 25 in the first day I bought it.
24. "Brick," Ben Folds Five - 44 plays. Summer after senior year. This song means so much to me, and again, I will probably never tire of it.
25. "The World I Know," Collective Soul - 44 plays. Same time-frame as "Brick" for me. This song is also very meaningful in my life.

They’re all saying it these days — in schools and colleges, in parks and restaurants, at workplaces and in bedrooms, over the phone and through the e-mail. They first say it as a declaration, then as an assurance.

Ten years ago, when you said ‘I love you’, no matter what you meant by that, it was taken not only as a declaration of love but also of commitment. It was sacred as a vow. And you usually said it only once in your lifetime — to the person who eventually became your spouse. And the pleasure of saying it was similar to using a smuggled French perfume.

Today, you can get the same perfume in the neighborhood departmental store. Similarly, ‘I love you’ is now a free commodity.

Today, ‘I love you’ no longer means you are the only one I love. It is only an expression of feeling,” says psychiatrist. “People are in a great hurry to fall in love. Having an affair has become a status symbol, especially on campuses.”

So today, people are falling in love more often than ever before. And not just with one person. Today you might be in love with someone, but you are free to walk out if the relationship is stifling and fall in love with someone else. Unlike the days of the past
when only death could do you apart.

Does that mean the present generation is less sincere when it says ‘I love you’? I doesn’t think so. They no longer say it to express a commitment. I believe they mean it when they say it. Perhaps, with culture and tradition, relationships have become flexible too. Rarely do we see a love affair culminating in marriage. Often we find that the victim of an unsuccessful affair soon gets into another one!

This casual attitude of today’s youth can be viewed as a dangerous trend. “When one runs from one relationship to another, it becomes a character trait, only to be continued in future.”

So where does this leave love?

As I heard someone say,”The word love means nothing to me at the moment, but I know when I meet my knight in shining armor, then it will have a lot of significance. At this point in time, if someone said it to me, I would not believe him.”

Why not?
The answer is simple — ‘I love you’ is no longer the smuggled French perfume.
Say it to any woman today and she’s unlikely to be impressed
Instead, she’s likely to turn back and ask:
“How many people you have said this to before?”

In any case, no one falls in love with a Tom, Dick or Harry these days — something that still happens in movies, where a autorickshaw driver wins the heart of a millionaire’s daughter.
In real life, it’s among equals (something that the strict father of the erring heroine is looking for when pushing her into a room and locking her up). We see this as a natural phenomenon. “By and large, we are drawn to people who are compatible, who we can relate to. That’s the in-built safety mechanism love has. Unless it is an act of rebellion.” So you fall in love with and marry someone compatible.

After that what?

“As long as you are in love minus the responsibilities, you are crazy about it. Once married, the colors start fading. Moreover, where is the time for romance after you have a child?”

So the question is :

Is it really worth falling in love?
For that, we have to first define love. And that’s not as easy as saying, I love you.

9:02 -  here we go!  Wine, snacks, good company. Everyone agrees McCain looks better, wonders if botox has been involved.

9:04 - Tammie declares that Obama is dying his hair to look more distinguished.  Others declare that it comes from campaigning and the fact that Michelle is making Barack keep his "eye on the prize."

9:10 - can I meet Joe daPlumber, Senator Obama?  Does he charge less than $80/hour?

9:16 - awesome question about which programs both men would cut

9:17 - McCain redeems himself with hatchet, scalpel line

9:19 - Obama actually admits that there are some gov't programs that don't work at all

9:21 - after McCain declares that if Obama wanted to run against Bush, he should have run 4 years ago... someone in the room said she would "throw McCain up against the wall, even if it would kill him"

Her parents, Sevo and Kristina, are friends of ours from Missouri State days.  Sevo was Lucas' mentor all through college and we all four were part of Chi Alpha together.  It's crazy how God brings people together...Sevo grew up in Kenya and Kristina grew up in Branson, MO.  :)  While we were in Vancouver we got a call that they were expecting their first child but we weren't able to meet this little cutie until this summer.  The day before we left for New Jersey we went to Springfield to pick up the truck and while we were there we met up with Sevo, Kristina and Imani for some breakfast.  It was great to catch up with them and it was so neat to see Imani in their lives.  Here's to another cute family...

What a beautiful family...

-Shannon

I need an assistant.  I'm sure of that much.  But, if I could afford one, I would probably be too disorganized to even direct one.   Still, it's nice to imagine that if I had one, my car would be registered. I paid for it, but forgot to do emmissions so the state is holding my registration hostage.  Meanwhile, I am waiting on a part to fix the car so it passes emissions. I wouldn't have forgotten to get the cats their shots (for the past three months), I wouldn't have had to register to vote in my new town on the very last day and my work would be going a lot more smoothly and maybe, just maybe, I'd be feeling like I'm on the brink of a big success instead of an implosion.

When I was 18, I thought I'd turn 25 and suddenly my shit would magically come together, but now that 30 is in the rear view mirror, I realize that I was actually more organized at 18 than I am now. 

My desk at the office explodes into paper on a daily basis, squares of pink telephone messages scatter across the desktop with notes and phone numbers written in the corners and upside down across the bottom. So many unrelated names and numbers etched into the paper that the original message is nearly obliterated and the new unrelated names and numbers look like sanscrit.  I filled my brief case three months ago and have barely looked at it.  Most my paperwork comes home in shopping bags which I drop at the front door and then dump over fishing out one file leaving the rest in a pile until I stuff it back into the grocery bag and drag it back to work the next morning.

What makes me think I can be a single parent?  I can barely take care of myself.  And, as rotten as it sounds, I am tired of taking care of other people. 

Today is Wednesday and I'm already worn out from the week, which wouldn't be too bad if Monday hadn't been a holiday and I didn't just lay around reading a book and setting up this blog.  So, two days into a short week, I'm done.

One of my best friends asked me today to help her with a business project, teach her how to do something cause she's new in a particular business.  I'm in the same business, so of course I'll help her, because she's my friend.  But, she's my friend who works for one of my competitors ... why her boss isn't training her? I don't know.  But, she's my friend, I can't leave her hanging, I have to help her, so I'm going to teach her how to compete with me, which seems odd.

Last summer I let one of my friends stay at my house for free for a couple months.  I watched her dog when she went away on weekends.  When I was watching a different friend's animals, I took her with me so that she could hang out at their pool.  I gave her a gift when she moved in.  She still has stuff in my basement. 

So, when she asked me a month ago to ship the wireless router to her that she said I could keep when she moved out, I couldn't quite believe it.  She didn't say I could borrow it when she moved.  She said I could keep it.  Then, she wanted it.  So, I sent it.  She called to make sure I'd mailed it and I hadn't the first time.  But I did immediately after, and it was promptly lost in the mail, but she left me a nice snotty message yesterday "reminding" me that she really needed it.  The shipper found it. She should get it tomorrow.  It cost $50 to express ship it to her.  I bought my new router for $60 and made four trips to the store and the shipper.  She could have gotten the same thing from amazon for $40.  Did I mention that I'm recovering slowly and badly from knee surgery?  I'm moving her boxes out of my house this week.  You know, I always thought if she had the chance to return the favor, she would.  I was wrong.  A user is a user, no matter how sweet she seems.

Another friend had a printer blow up, so he asked me to print job application materials for him.  I put his cover letter and resume and references on stationary, printed out his supporting materials and reformatted them so that they would look good on the page, posted the envelope and sent it.  It was no big deal, but would it have been so hard for him to say thank you?

I have no idea why I want a child. My friends and acquaintances are my children.  And, yes, before the question forms on any one's lips, I am cutting ties with room mate girl and I am no longer the guy's secretary.  Thank you is never too much to expect.

I'm not drinking this time 'round (mumblegrumblestupidworkinthemorning) but will still be flexing my snark muscles in 140 characters or less via Twitter. Feel free to follow and join in the fun.  Oh, and, if so inclined, have a drink or three on my behalf.

twitter.com/matttbastard

election.twitter.com

Also check out the (interactive!) liveblogging going on over at Feministe and Angry Brown Butch, where the booze shall be flowing like wine.

Um.  Yeah.

Recommend this post at Progressive Bloggers

On a lighter note today was the psats and a bio quiz, which I got a 90 on.  Hurray, considering I studied for like, 20 minutes THAT day and only the vocabz!  I always make flash cards so that helps usually.  I was glad, considering I was nervous I'd bomb.  Everyone was kind of upset consider we'd just had the psat before for about four hours.  That was brutal, I couldn't believe how weird the scoring system was.  But, ya know, it's just a practice test, no biggie.

Bleh, I need to get a bath soon and I have a paper due tomorrow.  I'll do the paper tomorrow during study hall though and work on it in history and geometry if I have the time.  It's a rough draft so I can totally bullshit my way through it and still get a good grade.  Mrs. Wolfe, God love her, is a bit of a push over.  Not like I'm complaining, but she is, really.

I hope I figure out things soon, good or bad, I just want some answers!  Please!

Deceit and manipulation has convinced that masses that social programs are too costly and any move toward *gasp* socialism would bankrupt the country/world economy. Yet if you look around after decades of rampant unfettered capitalism and corporate welfare the world economies are in collapse and governments are resorting to enormous amounts of socialist cash infusion into the banking industry to try to provide a solution to a world wide depression. No where near the amount of money spent on this fiasco could have provided decent housing, health care, eliminated, or vastly decreased, child poverty And proper regulations surrounding the treatment of workers and the expectations of corporations to keep jobs in Canada would have resulted in good jobs and plenty of cash influx into the economy. Yet instead we are told to tighten our belts while CEO’s reap obscene amounts of money even in a crashing economy.

- April Reign, 2008 Blog Action Day: Poverty

Recommend this post at Progressive Bloggers

I fell into your picture
Standing
In front of you

Your eyes surrounded by cheer
The pieces of your face
Blended in loveliness

But your eyes
Deep sadness
Too much life

Some of the pain I knew
Some I felt
Some I chose to forget

Our pain reached out
In space one night
A connection born of need

There is beauty in sadness
A textured magnificence

Life’s tattoo
Of an open heart

A quiet moment
When souls touch
A secret place

Daily, seems like i just can’t get ahead
As soon as i get out the bed
It’s always something going on to drive me crazy
I try to keep from going insane
But i can’t help but rack my brain
About what i'm gonna do
This type of shit be happening daily (Daily-TQ)

I am listening to the song right now and it is exactly how the past two days have been. It is almost to a comical point... i got a potential good job but it would mean me leaving Australia and I don't know if I am ready for that... it hasn't been six years yet... (I have for six years in almost every country that I have lived in)... 1 of my housemates is really annoyed at me... don't know why... she has given me attitude the past two days... first was in the morning yesterday, needed to go to the toilet and she snapped at me because I was 'interrupting' her getting ready for work. Then last nite she went to the room to go to sleep so i went and said "Whats wrong?" and she was like "Im trying to go to sleep thank you!"... my bad!

Don't know whats going on...

Yesterday I felt so vulnerable and felt like crying and needed someone to talk to. She is angry at me, work stuff... called Abs and I didnt really talk about my issues because im not that kind of person who likes to splurge her issues onto others but just talking to her cheered me up... i love that girl!

Oh then the stupid texts... note to self, never have your phone on you when drinking!!!

I felt like:

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn (Natalie Umbruglia-Torn)

But I then read a post from a stranger who applauded me for my posts (Circles dont fit in squares post) because apparently they help people in the same boat... so that put a smile on my face... Don't really know if the person is a stranger because they knew my name...hmmm... :P

Well im out.

patience.love.peace.

Haha last Saturday, on a ZBL day (for Guan Ze), we decided to have BJCC (Botak Jones Cajun Chicken) for dinner! Then we asked Perry along too.. hoho.

In the end, the three of us really ended up having the same item for dinner, save for the different side dishes. How boring huh? LOL

After dinner, the duo came up to my place to slack, chit-chat and watch TV at the same time (note: most guys can multitask when doing menial stuff). Oh, and 神探伽利略 (Galileo) is really nice! It's just too bad that it's a really short serial. But, from another perspective, it might be a good thing. I think it's pretty boring to see that the hero is able to solve the cases like, all the time.

The biker(s); credits to Perry

Mine's a stationary bike, but Guan Ze's bike is real!

Alright, off to school soon... meeting Perry on the train! :D

By the way, the both of us wore red tops on Tuesday. Actually I wanted to wear jeans and bring my Crumpler bag along, but ended up wearing berms and carrying my Deuter backpack in the end because I felt lazy to wear jeans and change the stuff over from a bag to another. :X

It's a good thing though, because Perry wore jeans and brought along his Crumpler bag! I bet the people in our class are wondering, "Why are these two guys ALWAYS together; are they....???"

Had I worn the same ensemble as Perry, oh my.

It'd have "confirmed" their suspicions.

So, I hope we'd wear something different today!

Her funeral today brought up so many feelings for me.  I of course had thoughts of my own screwed up relationship with my mom and was reminded today that it's not "normal" to be estranged from your parent.  I wonder exactly how people can make such a statement?  Of course it was made not knowing the situation with my mom, Gina's face was priceless and as usual she was able to turn the conversation in a totally different path real quick.  Thanks Gina!

I again today was reminded that Barb Zaffiro is what we all strive to be.  She was a loving mother, a loving wife, a great friend, a giver not a taker.  Wow, what more can you ask for in a person? 

I learned today what a real mom leaves behind.  I learned what true love looked like, Mr. Zaffiro's heart is broken and it's so sad.  I learned that none of us know when the last time we will get a chance to tell someone how we really feel.  Like Gina said today it would have been nice to have five minutes to tell her mom a few things.  I've decided to take my five minutes this week and tell my parents what I want them to know. 

Barb Zaffiro you were a class act and you will be missed by your husband, children, grandchildren and so many others.  I thank you for being the mom you were, I have been blessed for many years with your daughter as my friend and she wouldn't be the person she is if it wasn't for you!!

Dudes (and babes):

Run, don't walk to the nearest liquor store and but some of this
incredible brew (unless you don't like an overly hoppy beer)
The drinkability is amazing.
It is a true gourmet nectar ale.
It gets 9 hooters out of ten on the Mantown BSE (beer scale evaluation).
A major award!
Check it out.
More importantly, respect beer.

Me: I almost cut my hair today.

Him: You're on drugs!

Me: I feel like letting my freak flag fly!

Him: That's hard to say 5 times fast.

* great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

http://humor-blogs.com/

Well, last night in my car, I heard a song that brought back a lot of memories. It was the first song I ever learned to play on guitar. It was the song that has basically become the anthem of my life for the passed few months, and when I thought about that, I was like:

"Damn Cody, stop doing this to yourself. Your life can't possibly be as bad as the kid in this song."

And I thought to myself, my life really isn't that bad. I should listen to Death Cab for Cutie and smile because they are such a prolific audio entity, but when I look back, Death Cab for Cutie has almost never made me smile...it's always made me feel melancholy and upset.

I have a lot of people around me, all the time, so I'm not necessarily alone. What is awful, is the fact that only a handful of these people actually mean something to me. There are possibly six people in my life that I would consider real friends and only two I would consider best friends and only one I would consider my closest friend. That is nine people in my life that I trust, not including family.

It occured to me that this is not healthy at all. I'm sick of always perpetuating my own bad mood and I have no idea how to fix it. You would think I'd be happy, I mean for the love of God I'm only 18 years old and I'm a freshman in college, you'd think I'd be living the hell out of life...but I'm not. I'm wasting the best years of my life being a downer and pushing the people that matter to me away, because that's what I do. If I push people away...they don't have the chance to abandon me...I'm just sick of all this.

I need help, but sadly, I'm my own rescue squad, but sometimes the only person you can count on to fix your life, is yourself.

Cody.

We feel we have a somewhat unique view of having seen different types of poverty in different types of places.

We started our life together in San Francisco, one of the great cities of the world. Like most great cities, it has culture and business, affluence...and poverty. The poverty that we saw in San Francisco that touched our hearts was the abundance of homeless people. For a number of reasons, San Francisco has a large homeless population primarily made up of those with substance abuse addictions, physical limitations or mental illnesses. They live in doorways and alleys. They feed out of garbage cans and on leftovers found on the street. We wish we were describing stray animals, but we are describing human beings. In the middle of a giant metropolitan area, they are invisible and forgotten much of the time. The city of San Francisco, its charities and its churches have struggled for decades with this problem and have never found a workable solution. And we fear with the current economic downtrend it may get worse, as those on the bottom tend to get help last.

We decided long ago that our small contribution would be as simple and direct as could be. We decided one Christmas Eve just to feed a few people. We bought some ham, turkey and bread and made sandwiches. We put them in bags with a box of juice, some cookies and chips and a napkin. It wasn't a big deal; it was us and our son who was about 11 when we started (he's 25 now). We went out that night and looked for homeless people to offer food to. We had about 40 bags. They were gone in about 10 minutes. Nobody shoved; nobody threatened us. We got a lot of thank yous and god bless yous. And at the end, people asked us, "is there any more?"

We did it again the next year, making more bags this time. Through the years our little attempt at direct help grew and grew. It became Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Friends and family found out about it, and preparation day became a party. We started added blankets and clothing to our distribution. Sometimes we'd give socks and gloves--whatever we could easily distribute and place in the hands of someone who needed it. Towards the end we were reaching over 300 people a night. And we always felt at the end of a night that it wasn't enough.

It wasn't organized, incorporated or authorized by anybody. The people who got the food and clothing might in some people's opinion not deserve it. They were junkies, drunks and crazies. But they were cold and hungry and happy for the help.

We don't talk about this because we did anything special. We didn't. We were inspired by hearing about other people who did the same thing. Some did less; many did much more. What we took away from it is that you don't have to wait for somebody else to solve the problem. Sometimes the problem is just too big to be solved. But you can still help. We and our friends and family didn't try to eliminate poverty or homelessness. We just tried to feed some people and keep their feet warm for a night. We still believe that direct one-on-one action is the solution to many of the world's problems.

When we moved to Mexico, we saw a different kind of poverty. We saw not the poverty of the forgotten individual but the institutionalized poverty of the third world, where not being able to get health care or full-time employment or regular food is the norm, not the exception. This really came home to us when we joined with friends last year to help the small village of Mahahual after it had been devastated by Hurricane Dean.

The problem with third world poverty is that the accomplishments of generations to gain some sort of consistent foothold in life can be wiped out in a second by disease or disaster. That's what happened in Mahahual. Folks who had finally gotten a small piece of swampy land and built a home with a thatched roof, stick walls and meals regularly prepared over an outdoor fire lost even that when the big storm tore through. For reasons which are too complex to be deciphered here by us, economic; political; geographical and climate issues all combined in a way that kept Mahahual from being aided by organized assistance. Again, personal direct action became the key to survival for many people. We've talked a lot on this blog about the Mahahual rescue project in which we joined with so many wonderful people. The point we raise now is again that sometimes you just have to help in any way you can by filling the hand of a person in need. It may not be a permanent solution. It may not offer them a job or set up a program or a plan. But sometimes people just need food, water, help or a smile to get them through one more day.

However, we're not advocating people turn their backs on charities or institutions. Just the opposite. The individual direct help that we talk about is a temporary stopgap. People still need greater assistance such as groups like the Red Cross and Salvation Army can give. And we urge people to make their contributions to those organizations not only in times of disaster and not only during the holidays, but as a function of their lives. And remember, the time you volunteer is just as valuable--even more valuable--than your monetary donation.

In closing we'd like to suggest people take a look at a program we think is very interesting and positive, being microlending. Microlending is the idea of loaning small amounts of money to people in developing countries to develop businesses by which to better their lives. Most people in the third world cannot get institutional loans. Either the money is not available, they have no collateral or they simply have no access to an institution that would make such a loan. We are not talking about millions of dollars here for a giant auto factory or beach resort. We are talking about loans of $200 or $300 to open a small store or restaurant, or a herd of cattle to start a ranch. Yes it can be risky to loan even small amounts of money to someone you've never met or a country that you've never seen, but it's really not about the money. It's really an investment in the people. If this kind of hands-across-the-border help appeals to you, we suggest you do a little research, starting with the book Banker to the Poor by Nobel Peace Price winner Muhammad Yunus. Also, you might want to check out Kiva.org. This organization allows individuals to easily make small loans to specific people across the world. Take a look at this website to see not only what other people need, but to have a clear how understanding how lucky the rest of us really are.

Last but not least, we'd like to really thank our friend Michele, who blogs at Life's a Beach, who let us know about this Blog about Poverty day.