Note to self: Never ever go to a poly clinic when you are feeling sick. The queue kills.

"It is forbidden to sit with your boyfriend and claim he is your brother"

My sister sent me this one...

Hilary and I are disgustingly lazy as Jan works today.
We should be ashamed actually. I did manage to make
the bed and go to the grocery store. Week old bread
remained in the fridge. Riffled through cheese. I threw it
all away and started over fresh. $200.00 worth.

I was shocked that I had spent so much, it looked like
150 to me. It's been so long since we replenished basic
food items. Cereal, fruits, meats etc... It adds up quicker now.
Everything seemed to be 3 dollars that used to be a 2 dollar
item. The gas prices hitting us there too. Someone must pay.

On our trip we managed to never pay that outrageous (for us)
amount of $4.00 for gas, but we had to shop around to find it.
If we found a 3.95 price we were happy. Sad but true.
Jan keeps track of such things being a numbers person,
I believe we got 22 mpg for city driving and 28 highway.
I was pleased with it. The car was also very weighed down.

------------------------
I cant really say why I chose not to contact Cathy while we
were in St Augustine nor why I also chose not to do the
nostalgic trip through Amelia Island that I had planned.
There was no pressure to do it any other way than I wanted
to. But once at Jax Beach and my apartment was so perfectly
there. It was enough of a visit home for me. I had no desire
to revisit both the good and the bad of those places.
The drive up and down A1A to and from Daytona was as
magical as I remembered and so enjoyed by Hilary and Jan.

---------------------------
In the midst of all this good came horrible moments where
Jan and I screamed hurtful words, where promises were made
of change; only to do the same in the next moment. Where stock
must be taken of what one will accept in the future and if we
can move past this month of hurt. We had the time to talk finally,
it's the silence that makes me scream. She knows that now and
has been trying to reply, trying to say what she thinks and feels.
Something not allowed in her family growing up. One didn't show
emotion. When strife happened you shut down, retreat and
remain silent until it blows over. I have begged her to have an
opinion instead of searching for what she believes is the Right
answer for me. We are still working toward a better us.

-----------------------

Our fricking pond has sprung a leak, we have to drain it and see
what is up, if it can be fixed and if not, what we want to do
about it. We have two koi that actually need more room to swim,
the option is there to do the addition to it now, though we wanted
to wait until the spring. Or if we want to buy the same pre-formed
liner that we currently have and just swap them out. Either way,
it is a huge job for us this "weekend" (Thursday/Friday).
Another option is to eliminate it altogether. But that idea made
Jan's eyes go wide when I suggested it, so I think it is not really
an option at all. We shall see... anyone want to help dig a hole?

----------------------------
Kate called today. She had her housewarming party last night.
You had to come dressed as a C or K thing or person.
C for Carrie, a K for Katherine. Very creative results from these
20 somethings! Hilary went as a Clairvoyant. Anyway, she called
to tell me she had spent the night with one of my favorite friends
of theirs, Ryan. He is a fine man, I wish she would be involved with.
Her description of their night (and they did not sleep) was very
intimate and even romantic in the things they did and the length
of time they spent talking. As she put it, about the deep shit no
one else thinks to talk about. They laid in the street watching the
stars and talking until they heard a car coming, then they would
run screaming and laughing. She told me that Ryan just loves me,
thinks I am the coolest Mom. She thanked me in a choked voice
for my parenting. For encouraging her open mind. I was very
touched. She was very tender, unlike the child she normally was
on a regular basis. I see so much growth in her.
----------------------------------

Remember those Brach's candies? they had a display and you
could scoop in a variety of candies into a cute little mixed bag,
sold by the pound. One in particular, a rectangular white nougat
and some form of colored gel candies in them? I ate a bunch of
them once as a child and made myself sick. I saw those today
at the grocery store. It was a blast from the past that made
my stomach turn a bit. I didn't buy them, but the chocolate stars
next to them called to me hard and I had to get a 1/2 pound of them!
My sister Dawn and I used to eat those chocolate stars as a special
treat often. I will savor every melted bit of them. Of course I have
hidden them from the masses! One must protect the chocolate stash.

My first holiday activity was rearranging all my Witchcraft supplies and books into a new room. Herbs, roots, shop products and craft items were all together in my living room - office and I had no space left for anything, so we decided to give Witchcraft a room of its own. Since I don't do Tarot readings at home I only needed a storage and lab place, so we wanted it to be functional and useful. The room is really small so it was difficult to get pics of the space, but here are some details:

On Tuesday a friend came asking for a special Witchcraft work for protection. Since it was an urgent situation, I spent two days making an extra powerful potion and a mojo bag for him. It was a very complex work and, to be honest, it was exhausting, but if Witches are not in this world to help and protect people in need, then what are we here for? Love potions and lucky charms are sure fun to make, but in times like this is when all my knowledge comes truly useful- and when I am proud and satisfied of being what I am.

I also received news from Lorianne saying that our secret collaboration project, The Fairy Labyrinth necklaces, were finally out!!! Using some of my fairy prints, Lorianne has been putting her amazing talent in making these lovely and uniques pieces! Please go HERE to Know about each piece in full detail at her Dawanda shop. I have to say I am the proud owner of one of the Bacchus ones and her craftmanship is superb! The necklace is light, comfortable to wear and it GLOWS with Magick, Love and Fairy-ness!!!! Oh, and the first 12 purchases will receive a free herb incense sample made by me specifically for Plumevine Jewelry!

Friday came, and with it my 32nd birthday! The day started wonderfully with the mail woman bringing me two parcels, one from Lorianne and one from Krista! Please, die in envy while you admire this amazing gifts from more amazing women! Thank you so much my dearest friends, you made so very happy!!!!


I would also like to thank Sylvie, Amy and Ed for her lovely birthday emails!

I don't have any more pics from my birthday... I was having fun instead of taking pics :D! I had a wonderful dinner with lots of friends at the Tea Bar, laughed until my stomach ache and got some beautiful presents and, more important, felt loved and appreciated.

Well, and last but not least, I have been working along the week on a new site at Ning for all Pagan Dawanda sellers, so most of you who are regular commenters on the blog will be receiving invites and full info on the following days. The only request is to have a shop at Dawanda. I will leave all details for next post so it doesn't get trapped here, but if you want to visit and join it is already working HERE.

Phew! I told you this would be long.....

Because of the nice evening, which we seldom see around here this time of the year (Our month of July is usually a month of FOG!) But we happened to get some nice weather Friday & the most of Saturday. So I made sure to capture some of those nice moments!! :P

Dad got a fire going and I made a smores...which, of course, I talked about in the last post! It was so good...man, they really make campfires all the more enjoyable, haha. I only made one though, I do tend to find them a little sweet. If it was any other time, I probably would have made 'some more' ... man I crack myself up, oh my.. lol

We were up shortly after 9am on Saturday morning; we took advantage of the sun that was shinning! It was such a nice thing to see...Dad wanted to put in the new window, so me and Mom helped him take out the real old one that was there since the cabin was built. The "new" one is a modern one just taken out of my nan's house. It looks much better now. And Mom had some new curtains made by a lady in town with some "cabin-y" matieral she picked out in Wal-Mart. Now the cabin is starting to look even nicer ^.^

The sun didn't last all day...*sigh*. Surprise, surprise. That's one thing we weren't, though, was surprised. We could see the fog hanging around outside the bay and it slowly made its way inward to engulf the whole bay and surrounding areas. Before it did, though, I chased a butterfly around so I could capture this symbol of summer!! We here on Newfoundland's coast know that summer weather is out there somewhere! Fog won't be here forever! :P

We got up early this morning, packed away our things, and left to come home again. And I finally got to witness the dolphins frolicking outside the bay!! It was awesome; but I had my camera packed away then because I didn't think I would use it on the ride back home. I wouldn't have gotten a good picture anyway. They were certainly jumping around a nice bit, though..we figure there was quite a bit of fish around, since there were many sea birds flying around near them. Especially puffins! My town's official bird (and mascot(!))..such a pretty bird.

Tomorrow I start back up at the pool again. I don't have another weekend off now till August 2nd. But me and Lucas switched up weekend because me, Mom & Dad and our friends Eunice & Wilf are heading to Gander for the Cobb's Pond Concert (Great Big Sea, Hey Rosetta!, etc) that weekend. On my scheduale I was supposed to have the previous weekend off, but me and Lucas switched to fix it up for me. I am excited for that weekend; it's going to be awesome! And this Wednesday coming, July 9, I will be excused from a day of work because I'm heading to Corner Brook for my bracessss! I am excited for that, too! I know, I know, I will probably be very uncomfortable at first and hate it, haha..but I know the after result will be great :) I am looking forward to going back to work again, though, and hopefully it will be sunny. The only way to enjoy working at an outdoor pool is if the weather is beautiful!!

Went to Vivo City for her birthday lunch. Bill on dajie :D

Initially we wanted to lunch at Sushi Tei, but it was too crowded, thus we had lunch at Thai Accent.

Clear base TomYam soup. Nice~

Some side dish to go along with our rice.

Mango Sticky Rice. Thumbs up for this dessert!!

Their food was really not bad. Think of it now still makes me drool.

*slurp*

Happy Birthday to you sansan :D

Dajie + Sansan

Random pic.

Last bit of damage during GSS.

La Senza Bras: 2 for $45

Gladiator Sandals: $34.50 before 30% discount

Flora Jeans mini skirt: $39.90 before 20% discount

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, I know I'm being random (again).

I'm sleepy already.

*Yawn*

- Oye... ¿Por qué tienes tu mp4 lleno de fotos de Keira Knightley?

- Asd... eem... porque tengo una obsesión lésbica con ella.

omfg rofl XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Ay, qué risa, qué risa, por dios xD

La próxima vez que escriba [!] comentaré el hecho de que mi vida podría ser una sitcom muy, muy sádica y muy, muy exitosa. Todos los televidentes podrían disfrutar de las tragicomedias de mi mierda de vida :O Soy una amargada, ¿y qué? Soy amargada, pero soy feliz, porque soy chora. (Esa fue una mentira descarada, en tu cara, ahí mismo xD)

Asd, siglos sin escribir... Y serán muchos más siglos, porque es tardísimo, mi hermana duerme, el teclado es ruidoso, todavía no me leo el puto libro y la prueba (junto con las otras dos o tres, ya no recuerdo) es el lunes.

nun ist es soweit, 2 meiner 3 koffer sind feritg gepackt und mein zimmer hier ist leer und kahl.....irgendwie habe ich es immer wieder vermieden, hier auf meine webpage zu schreiben, da es irgendwie alles noch näher und schneller heranbringt.

ich glaub niklas, kerstin oder henning wissen genau, wie ich mich fühle und es ist einfach unbeschrieblich schwer das auszudrücken, was ich im moment fühle. wenn ich darüber nachdenke, dass ich in einer woche schon im flieger nach deutschland sitze, macht es mich unglaublich traurig...ehrlich gesgat mag ich gar nich drüber nachdenken.

in diesem einen jahr ist einfach so viel passiert, ich habe so viele schöne erinnerungen, die ich mit nach hause nehme, sowie aber auch erfahrungen, die ich hier gesammelt habe, die mich in meinem denken sehr viel weiter gebracht haben und mich in meinem charakter sehr gestärkt haben. ich habe es keine sekunde bereut, dass ich diesen schritt gewagt habe und mich in ein ungewisses abenteuer gestürzt habe.

am anfang war es allerdings nicht einfach. jen und cahd haben mir schon viel geholfen, dennoch sehen und sahen sie mich schon ganz am anfang als einen erwachsenen menschen, der völlig auf eigenen beinen steht. das tat ich allerdings ganz und gar nicht....was ich deutlich merkte, als ich plötzlich alles das machen musste, was mama zu hause für mich getan hat. es kam mir vor, als hätte ich über nacht 3 kleine kinder bekommen, für die ich nun  ganz allein veratwortlich war. früh morgens die kinder wecken, zähne  putzen, anziehen, frühstück machen, wäsche waschen, bügeln usw. kinder baden, 23409823409283409238420398423 windeln wechseln und alles was dazu gehört. Jen musste owen udn sophia sowie auch ryan nach 6 wochen zu einer tagesmutter geben, damit sie ihren job behlaten konnte und ihre kinder eine gute zukunft bieten kann. genau das, dass eine mutter ihre kinder nach 6 wochen abgibt und abends abholt und ins bett bringt, konnte ich bevor ich mein jahr hier bagann nicht verstehen. heute verstehe ich jens eintscheidung....dass eltern in den usa kein kindergeld sowie überhaupt gar keine unterstüzung vom staat bekommen, war neu für mich. dass das college schon mehrere 100.000 kostet auch.

trotzdem macht es mich traurig, dass jen und chad so wenig zeit mit ihren kindern verbringen können. das merke ich immer wieder, wenn die kinder zu mir kommen, wenn sie sich wehtun oder mir den leeren teller beim essen geben und nach mehr fragen, obwohl jen und chad beide am tisch sitzen. und genau das macht es so schwer die kidner hier allein zu lassen. klar ist es auch das alltägliche, wovon ich grad geschrieben habe, aber dies macht es noch um einiges schwerer. ich habe die kinder so leib gewonnen, dass ich sie schwerenherzens verlassen kann. ich hätte niemals gedacht, dass es mir soooo schwer falllen würde.

jen und chad sind mir hier auch so sher ans herz gewachsen, dass ich mir ein leben in deutschland ohne die beiden schwer vorstellen kann. allein das "jeden morgen hinter chad herrennen und ihm sein lunch geben, da er es wieder einmal vergessen hat" werde ich vermissen :D

meine freunde hier werde ich sicherlich genauso vermissen, obwohl ich mir sicher bin, dass ich einige auf jeden fall regelmäßig sehen werde. gleichzeitig weiss ich aber auch, dass ich einige sehr selten oder auch gar nicht wiedersehen werde, da sie auch einfach viel zu weit entfernt wohnen.

minnesota is einfach der tollste staat der usa :) ich weiss, ich würd das gleiche über californien oder florida sagen, hätte ich mein jahr dort verbracht;) aber ganz ehrlich, minnesota is einfach toll und ich werde definitiv wiederkommen. der schöne, lange und vor allem heisse sommer, lässt den sehr kalten udn langen winter schnell vergessn und alles is super :) die seen, die sich mitten in der großstadt befinden und einfach wunderschön sind werde ich sicher auch sehr vermissen.....würde man mich jetzt fragen, ob ich noch ein jahr länger bleiben würde, würde ich ohen auch nur eine sekunde zu überlegen auf jeden fall zusagen.....

aber zum abschluss muss ich eifnach nochmal sagen, dass ich mich trotzdem sehr auf deutschland freue!

udn ich möchte mich bedanken bei  mama, papa und alex, die einfach immer für mich da waren und sich stundenlang anhören mussten, wenn ich mich mal wieder aufgeregt habe oder mussten mich bemitleiden( wird das so geschrieben?????? EGAL) wenn ich mal krank war, da das hier niemand gemacht hat :D DANKE, DASS IHR EINFACH IMMER DA SEID, WENN ICH EUCH BRAUCHE! DANKE, DASS IHR SO SEID, WIE IHR SEID!!!!

DANKE an meine freunde, die auch immer von mir genervt wurden, wenn ich wieder was zu erzählen hatte;) und DANKE, dass ihr mich immer auf dem laufenden gehalten habt, was bei euch so passiert! :-*

DANKE an simon, der mir vieles einfach gemacht hat, wie zum beispiel der ganze bewerbungsstress.

DANKE an sandra, die mich immer auf dem laufenden in sachen verein gehalten hat.

DANKE AN ALLE ANDEREN, DIE MIR WÄHREND MEINES JAHRES GESCHRIEBEN HABEN UDN SICH FÜR MICH UND MEIN JAHR INTERESSIERT HABEN!!!!

ICH HAB EUCH LIEB UND FREU MICH AUF EUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  ]]> http://kankelfam.wordpress.com/?p=141 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 00:20:15 +0000 Becky http://kankelfam.wordpress.com/?p=141 My sister and her husband are in town and today, we visited the Water Wall. I shot this picture of the two of them. This pose was their idea and it was so much better than my pose. LOL If I had it to do over, I would have flipped us all around so that the water wall and more trees were behind them, instead of the street. But, there were people taking quinceara pictures so I chose this instead. Oh, and I shouldn't have cropped out Daniel's feet. LOL Still learning!

Here's another play, more muted. And, not cropped at all. LOL I do like these colors a little better though. I'm still trying to find my style.

We came in and the pups were as excited as expected.
Kisses for days. They have finally settled down under our
desks as I type and Jan uploads Tybee shots to her flickr.

We are doing laundry, because everything felt dirty when we
unpacked it. So, most everything we took is being washed.
It wasn't the cleanest place to stay for four days, but we are
ever grateful for the free lodging all the same. To be steps from
the ocean was just too wonderful to pass up. It was a wonderful
time. A few problems here and there but for the most part we all
lived together well and Jan and I found time for ourselves as well.

More images from Jan for me to Mosaic.
Jan's Flickr

------------------------
Our home here was tidy enough, but very dirty. After this week
the dust here was screaming at me to do something with it.
In order to live here I asked Jan and Hilary to help me make it
right. They swept and mopped and started the mounds of laundry.
I dusted and set things right. You could tell two men were
living here this week. But, there again I am grateful for the care
they did take to help us with the pets and general house stuff.

So, we are unpacked, sorted the mound of mail and cleaned
the house enough to do for now. Now I feel at home... breathing easy.
Jan is watching a week of her soap now. She has to go back to
work tomorrow. I peeked in the studio a bit ago. It's all there waiting.
I have ideas forming, many images to draw even more from.

For now, I want to get my laundry finished and relax a bit.
Maybe make some veggies for dinner. Tybee is wonderful but very
much a seafood and fries, chicken and fries kind of place. We are
tired of fried foods and crave veggies. My body is royally pissed
about it actually.

Oh I forgot to say, the fireworks display off the pier last night
was probably the best any of us has ever seen. It went on for
about 25 minutes according to Jan. If you ever get the chance,
be there for it. But plan on bumper to bumper traffic out to the island.
Thank goodness we didn't have to drive in for it! Those poor people!

Zoe is at my heels waiting for my lap again.
Occasionally moaning sorrowfully at me, seemingly saying
"why did you go away so long." She is such a vocal dog.
Emotional, loving, often too much. But that is a part of her charm.
She is me.

I have missed music... just saying.
There wasn't nearly enough of it this week.

In the past 24 hours, I've come across two stories involving brutal child rape. One in local news. And another that I had already read about recently, it happened two years ago but has been in the news again because of the trial.  I also read two highly disturbing blog posts regarding this case (via The Curvature)  - one here (What About Our Daughters) shedding light on some truly shocking rape apologist comments.  And then further discussion on the prevalence of gang rape here.  (DJ Black Adam's blog).

Note: I just made edits to give proper credit for these posts.  I want to make clear that I found them through The Curvature (an amazing blog that I read daily) but the credit for both of these important posts (and in some ways inspiring me to rant) lies with the other bloggers, now linked-up above.) I apologize for not noticing my oversight the first time around.

These are the kind of stories that are necessary to hear about and read about, to truly understand we live in a rape culture and we need to be constantly working against it.

I want to have something more to say about that, but I'm at a loss as well.

This is the thing about me - I'm easily overwhelmed and very emotional.  I honestly have a hard time not wanting to just run away screaming in disbelief and bury it, hoping these things aren't true.  Or to believe, as some do, that stories like this represent a few evil crazy people instead of further evidence of a HUGE, overwhelming cultural and systemic network of problems involving oppression and violence.

I can't choose the ignorance here or ever.  And I can't ever condone other people making excuses for it or themselves making those choices.

So right now, my brain goes to the dark place and makes an effort to find some humanity here.  It is very difficult sometimes.  It's hard to get my brain to stop spinning with the injustice of it all.  The injustice and cruelty of a system and people who blame victims, even CHILD victims for their abuse and their condition and the same system that hates us and punishes us and sets us up to fail in a thousand little ways for being women, for being queer, for standing up for others who are being punished unfairly and for not being silent.  For calling out injustice.

And then, on top of that, the end of June (when Pride is celebrated in most US cities) brings around a deluge of homophobia in the media.   I have to call bullshit when other people's own deeply personal moral and religious choices are getting legislated to prevent me from having the same rights and privileges as them.

And I'm thinking about specifically the fight for marriage and securing full legal rights of that level of partnership, including adopting children and providing for them with the same protections and benefits under the law afforded to straight people (any straight people, anywhere, at any time that decide to make babies... they don't even need to be married to have more legal rights then I do).

I want to weep when I read about how difficult it is for gay people to adopt children, when an asshole that doesn't know how to be a parent thinks it's ok to lock his children in cages.

I just have a REALLY hard time believing - and we could go from micro to macro levels of awareness and news coverage here and as you keep expanding, the truly shocking levels of injustice, cruelty, oppression, poverty, disease, pain and greed just multiply exponentially  -  With everything wrong with our country and everything going on in the world, I just can't believe that here in the US of Obliviousness, there are groups of people who honestly want to take a moral argument and make a LEGAL issue out of me falling in love with another woman and believing (silly me) that it doesn't make me a lesser human being, deserving of civil liberties.

Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  That is what you choose to rally around and fight against?  MY fucking relationship and personal life and right to happiness and equal protection under the law?

So you believe homosexuality is wrong and against your bible, I get it... but at least FUCKING prioritize. I mean... somehow we need to all recognize that there are major worldwide problems of poverty, hunger, AIDS, war and torture and natural disasters and an unbalanced consuming frenzy of all the earth's resources.  There are people getting threatened, murdered and intimidated because of a farce of a democratic election.  People losing their entire lives in floods, bombings, earthquakes.  Slavery, sweatshops, human-trafficking and several other atrocities in the business of rape and dehumanization.

In order to work on these problems, some of us are very concerned with dismantling the systemic structures of oppression  - racism, sexism, gender oppression, classism, able-ism, age-ism - the structural discrimination, brutality and violence against people of color, women, transpeople, the elderly, people with disabilities...  I could go on and on... are you getting this?

Even just here in America-

Even probably in your own immediate communities, there is just TO MUCH TO DO.

Fuck off and prioritize already.

This is my new official answer to bigots of all kinds: I'm too fucking busy.  Your morals or opinions are of no consequence to the life that I lead, the work that I do and should not be tangled up in the laws that apply to me as a citizen.  Fuck Off with that.

It's not JUST that I disagree with you.  It's not only that I think you are wrong and have no business here.  We may never agree and you will most likely believe I am going to hell.  I really can't stop you from believing that and don't care to, but know this...

I'm deeply OFFENDED by your inability to care about REAL issues and prioritize.

This epic failure to prioritize your time, effort and work to make a positive difference in the lives of others IS a moral failure.

Those of us who have actual respect for human life and dignity are too busy recognizing that there are too many other problems to be dealt with at the moment.  So stay out of the way if you aren't going to help.  Or at the very least, have the decency to work on some ACTUAL issues before claiming any kind of moral authority to interfere with who I'm having consensual sex with.

I'm shutting off my brain now.  Because being a big bundle of anger and frustration is inhibiting my ability to get anything but ranting and fuming done and that is helpful to no one.

In the meantime, I also wanted to thank Rich at FourFour for this.  I saw it today and it was somehow a relief to see someone else (on a mostly pop-culture related blog)  who just gets so mad, they are shaking and feeling the need to react somehow.