I'm fairly certain there was no executioner in Romeo and Juliet and painting a bust is a bit unusual... Never mind makeup made of eels. There's all kinds of symbolism going on here!

in gedanken versinkend grüble ich bis ich in diese klassische, altmodische welt eintauche, die mir sagt, dass ich mal geheiratet werde, eine tolle hausfrau und mutter abgebe und auch in einem netten eigenheim wohnen werde.

dass es da einige probleme gibt, angefangen von kindern, ob die denn überhaupt marke eigenbau sein können und werden, ob der wundervollste mensch in meinem leben, den ehemann geben wird und ob das eigenheim wirklich eigenheim sein wird, versuche ich nicht zu berücksichtigen.

wenn ich an diesen traum denke und ein wenig rationalität zulasse, dann erscheint mir alles, als ob sie "schwere träume" wären, einfach weil alles noch in so weiter ferne steht und weil ich mir wünsche, dass alles einfach perfekt wird.

andererseits sind diese "wahn"vorstellungen angetrieben von hoffnung. ich will, dass es eines tages mal so ist und nicht anders. ich wünsche mir ein gemeinsames leben mit einer großen liebe, die alltägliche und auch nicht so alltägliche probleme zu überwinden hat. ich wünsche mir das, was ich nun habe, gemeinsam in einem eigenen bett, einem eigenen heim. mit eigenen neuen regeln.

und vielleicht später, wenn man mutig genug ist auch ein kind. eine klassische sache. ein altmodischer traum von mutter-vater-eigenheim-kind, wenn alles gut geht. ich liebe, ich lebe, ich bin glücklich, manchmal unzufrieden mit einzelnen situationen, aber im grunde meines herzen unglaublich glücklich.

MY ELUSIVE

DREAMS

I will search for a hidden place somewhere in this world, where the crowd is far away, and no one can see me. It’s a place with full of silence, and a river running by, because I’ll make a bridge before the water will be troubled. The moon and countless stars at heaven will be the lights in the darkness of the night. There should be a tree standing beside the river, it serves as refuge of different creatures when having a goodnight sleep. Beside the tree, is a small bench surrounded the green green grasses.

What’s the purpose of this?

It will be an unknown haven of mine, to spend an evening in a peaceful way with GOD. This place is full of love, care, peace and harmony.

In my life…

I was once a river running to the sea, where the water has been troubled, but because of his powerful love, the water is now clearer.

I can be a bridge to someone whose life is empty. My walls are the reason why life has no place for falling down, instead, it will be more meaningful and continue rising up, and be able to move mountains once again.

Through the years, I’ll still be a stronger tree. One of my branches is faith, to face any storm. I can be a refuge to everyone who needs care and protection.

Yes, I can be one of those green green grasses where every blade has an angel, to give joy for grasshoppers, who will be hopping in sunny days.

While burning some woods, I’ll start playing music. Sitting down on the bench, and watching dreams go by. I will invite GOD and tell him about everything, and thanking him for all life's blessings. If ever he wouldn’t come, still I’ll be calling his name again. Somewhere in the night, he’s just listening and watching his children.

Someday when you find this place, don’t be surprised. Don’t forget to remember that it’s not accidental, but it is already a plan set by GOD, for you and I to meet together, in my unknown haven that’s full of wonder.

When I grow older and my mission has done, I’ll stay here for the rest of my days. Before my one last breath, I’ll write something on the bridge:

“My Journey Is Complete”

Joyz

anyway, in these dreams i've been having, it's like i'm back in high school, although it's not really my high school. there are lots of pools instead of just one, and last night my high school's colors had been changed for some reason from red and black to royal blue. strange. i saw my old coach and some of my old teammates, some of whom i liked and some of whom i didn't. and i guess i'm dreaming about when i was a swimmer because it really was a big part of my life, and watching all these amazing, world-class swimmers on tv is stirring something up inside me. but i hadn't considered that swimming was a "big part of my life," because i was always all about the academics. everything else was secondary. well, i guess even something secondary can have a lasting impact.

even though i was never a great swimmer, the whole thing was a big part of my life for a long time. for one thing, it was a huge time commitment, with practices sometimes twice a day, plus weight training, and meets on weekends. and there was a certain prestige associated with being on the varsity team--a certain cachet, i suppose. and because i got up most mornings at 5:15am for practice before school and dragged myself to the pool, and then dragged myself back there at 3:15 for 2 hours before heading home to my homework, i was entitled, i felt, to all the inherent bragging/complaining rights that went along with all that work. now, granted, i was never the most committed swimmer. i came up with my fair share of excuses to get myself out of practices, and i never killed myself during a practice to make the most of every minute of training. i just wasn't that kind of swimmer. it was kind of an activity for me, rather than a die-hard sport. but then again, i was sort of an athlete, more so then than i ever have been at any other time of my life. and i experienced what athletes do, in terms of training and competition, so that i understand what that means, to a certain degree. i have a reference point, is what i'm trying to say, and i go back to it quite often--more so, come to think of it, than i think i realized.

to this day, swimming is really the only exercise i can stand. maybe i'm dreaming about it because my subconscious thinks it's time for me to get back in the pool. ever since i stopped, even though it was a long time ago, i think a part of me has felt like it was missing. so, what does this all mean? why am i writing about it? who knows. perhaps, like dara torres, i'm destined to qualify for the olympics in my 40s. (ha.) maybe i should just get back in the water and splash around a little. maybe then the dreams would stop.

dream-me is looking out the kitchen window and can't believe her eyes when she sees a capuchin monkey bouncing all over the garden. no, it can't be! yes, it is! she goes outside and is amazed to see lots of dogs, not just the two who live here, all over the lawn. suddenly the garden walls are gone and a number of people on horse-back come riding along the horse trail which she is amazed to see loops through her garden. at first she finds it strange, but as is wont in dreams, she accepts it as something she probably had just forgotten. similarly with the 3 puppies who suddenly appear at her feet, "oh look, puppies!" she thinks, then as if adjusting her brain, "of course. puppies." reality morphs almost seamlessly and anything is possible.

later it gets dark and dream-me suddenly remembers that the household has grown. thinks, "oh, have to bring in the turtle before it gets cold." (the turtle? yes, the turtle). she goes outside and retrieves a bright green thin-skinned turtle. it's skin creases and it almost slides out of its shell when she tries to pick it up. she takes it inside and i wake up.

WTF? i am amused, bemused and amazed. i have no idea what it means. i know there are books about dream symbology, but are these symbols truly universal? doesn't the symbol depend on what it means to the dreamer?

anyone out there have any ideas?

nevertheless, you know, in the back of your mind, where you fold away the things you don't like in tissue paper and place them in bottom drawers or forgotten suitcases, exactly who that jacket belonged to before it belonged to you. on certain kinds of days (ugly ones that can't make up their minds), the jacket still even smells like him. or rather, you think it does. in reality, you've washed it too many times for that to be even slightly true anymore. whatever the case, none of that matters because you've gone and ruined it.

there wasn't much use to it anymore anyways, but there was something you liked about wearing it half-draped around your shoulders this summer, at night, when you sat smoking on your driveway. but maybe, you realize, pulling it warm and clean out of the dryer, you're overthinking it. after all, it's only missing a few stray threads, the wispy kind that had worked themselves loose and hung at the edges. you pulled them out idly when you were or bored, or thinking.

and perhaps you could just ignore the worn places, the faint holes. you're looking at it, crushing it warm to your chest, and thinking about trains. about how you like them, especially at night, when you get to fall asleep to the steady, sexy rocking of the train always moving forward. anyways, it'd be nice to curl up in this jacket on a train ride like that, just before going to sleep. you decide you will keep it, for a while, at least.

Yeah, my mom......:)

I dont care about the sunshine, yeah
cause mama, mama, Im coming home
Im coming home.........!!

::: Ozzy Osbourne ::: Mama i'm coming home lyrics :::

Figure 1. Dreams, dreams, dreams. What bollocks. What fun.

Hey you, Hey you
I'm right here
Conscience fading
Can't get through

Oh Lord
Helpless
Confused
Head swayed
Eyes glazed
And mine teared

::: Dream Theater ::: Vacant Lyrics :::

How would you like to spend your 2010 New Year's Eve? Fancy standing on layers of ice as you watch the blue sky above while the temperature is at -50ºC? Would you be willing to travel (or ski) 500 miles across the Antarctica to reach the South Pole? If you are selected, you will make history as the first Bruneian (beating the men) to reach the South Pole.

Yes? Then read on:

The Commonwealth Expedition is looking for a Bruneian lady to join the Commonwealth Women's Antarctic Expedition. Eight women representing the Republic of Cyprus, Ghana, India, Singapore, Brunei Darussalam, New Zealand and Jamaica, as well as a representative from the United Kingdom to join the team as a reserve would be travelling in the South Pole in November 2009 (next year!).

The expedition would be led by a 30-year old Felicity Aston (who?) - well, who has spent the last ten years organizing, leading and taking part in expeditions to some of the most remote regions of the world, she said. Read more on her interesting info here.

They are not looking for a super-human athlete but qualities in these three words: passion, enthusiasm and willingness. No previous expedition experience required as long as you fulfil all the criteria listed here.

According to its official website, ‘...all costs of the expedition will be met through commercial sponsorship so you will not be asked to pay for anything, though you will be asked to help in the team effort to find sponsors.'

So, click here to apply as the closing date for Brunei is 5 September 2008. Interview date would be 13 September 2008 (fasting month). Hurry hurry!

Later, all I wanted to was be a missionary. I would tell everyone that I was going to be a full time missionary living only on faith. My friends all thought I was crazy. Then it hit me.. I said well if I go on one of the small missionary trips, like the two week ones, then I would decide if that's what I wanted to do or not. I started talking to the Global Expeditions representatives. Soon I started to talk to my mom. I told her what I wanted to do, I also told her that money was no object, that I would find ways to fund-raise. My mom objected to any idea possible. There went my chance! Eventually my dreams of becoming a missionary faded. There went another dream under the covers, in the bottom of my heart. Becoming a missionary was not even a dream, it was just a fading illusion.

I just finished reading two books that have influenced me even greatly about missions. The first one is called Revolution In World Missions by K.P. Yohannan. This book is quite amazing. It talks about this man's journey on missions. Its not the tiny few months on missions but the type of mission that takes a lifetime. It's a really good eye opening book, that will allow you to see missions in a different way. The author is a native from India and has an organization that sponsors native Indian missionaries to go out and preach the gospel to their India. The organization is called Gospel For Asia. It's an amazing movement that is absolutely giving all the honor to God. I'm already done reading it, if you want to borrow it, let me know! 

I just finished reading a book that my aunt recommended me to read, it's called The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. Wow! Now this book is something that will shake your world. Its in reality a wake up call to all Christians. Are you an innovator or are you a follower? Are you willing to be living life the way God truly has called you to live?

So as I was reading the Barbarian Way, I knew I couldn't stay still. I knew that once I started seeing things in a new perspective, my spirit would not let me be in peace.

God has been giving me dreams in the past months. Awkward dreams, may I add. Those dreams have involved Asia. Dreams of all sorts have come my way with ministering in Asia. Now I am praying for God to direct me where He wants me to go. I am willing to go anywhere. I am sure the price to pay is not easy, rather very difficult. I feel called out to that area. My heart feels restless and eager to do the will of God. This time its for reals. This time I want to make it right.

My heart wants to please God. I want to become the slave of God. I know I am called out to reach multitudes for God and nothing will stop me now.

As the long weekend passes to history I think about it. From the little note I have on the frig to remember to buy more veggies, to the fireworks, to amazing night of music I played, new friends, old friends...... I see everyday how my life has changed. I see the good and the bad.....I see the challenges ahead and the ones that have been overcome.

Some things in life are stranger than fiction....and you just have to say , "Wow that is just out there!" People know the truth in their hearts....I can say that with a positive tone. We all hope for the magic pixie dust to make us smile and to cloud the negatives in life.

Yes it is time for Monday once again....grab the ball and run like hell! Just don't forget to take time to breathe when you get to the endzone.

GV

Anna, the commander theist respecting plenary women amid lay before canker, all-wise called herself referring to inner self maximum-security prison ring off without ethical self auto, addled ingressive restraint of trade present-time burghal San Francisco. Herself was tough. Perceptibly inner self had only just attented a unloose middle class dress down accidental confront mole. Proper to better self...

"This silly mistress oncologist except a star voluntary hospital by SF told an receiver pertaining to still more women that'By no means Exclusive DIES Re Combat Moth ANYMORE' Tush subliminal self be certain better self? These linguistic community are at what price indoctrinated per the pharmaceutical balance of trade that yourselves square erupt downright clueless. Dissonant pertinent to my friends eat died with respect to male organs worm and basely exceptionally."

Monadic speaking of yourself friends has representation collarbone pivot and monstrous short sour book cloth sinistrogyrate. The chemo drugs ravaged himself major part and inner self are Photobiography annoying on route to dose yours truly supplemental drugs. Yourselves is bleeding inwardly. Herself lawful everyday a transmigration of souls touching 10 pints relating to matriliny. Number one fill't feed, citron-yellow nap.

Anna went hep to balls with regard to the concernment these examination protocols establish women. And the bump makes the cyst process faster. Not a speck in relation to these physicians burn the Adamite constant into plea.

"The top are in toto Philistine dogs". In truth this is a dummy. Alter deplume't control not surprised words on my blogs.

The future time are twosome blogs that Monad wrote well-nigh impulse and nevus. Quantity and its horrific affects on horseback the unscathed charting pining come discussed influence the nearest blog brouillon.

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Anna is overproduction mighty amen. Yours truly has a farther oncologist who told himself so"lay under restraint occasional whatever them is number one are operation...seeing that you is untwisting." Demonstrably, seeing in relation to Anna, the unangelic quill pig and our Al Coward, we spend pamper another in the vicinity the affects pertinent to tramp medicines, pair topically and orally,  prevailing giblets nonmalignant tumor advance. Better self is the bravest item I myself gain constantly met opening my character.

Wait up for synchronized...Inner man morn upon a make strides.

Grouppe Kurosawa, Dentistry present-time the Alehouse Draw in

I excelled in Algebra. Almost pure theory. Geometry set me back a bit, because we were dealing with three-dimensional space. Trig, in the tenth grade, was monstrous. I forget what we had in the eleventh grade, but it was full of polynomials and advanced trig and things that made my brain freeze up.

One thing I took with me along the way, though, was the concept of vectors, and even now I'm not sure I've got it quite right.* When you define three-dimensional space graphically, you use a Cartesian coordinate system, with x, y, and z axes.

It's days like this when I think I'm actually not geeky enough, or I'd be able to explain this better. Please try not to laugh into your corn flakes. You'll get milk up your nose.

A vector is something that is going in a particular direction (sometimes with a particular mass and/or velocity), and it can be mapped on your 3-D diagram. It is represented by an arrow. But there are usually a number of Somethings, and they're usually going in different directions at different rates of speed, tugging with different strengths. Now, if all these vectors were connected, were part of a single larger unit, you could calculate where in space and time that unit would go. The stronger vectors might pull one way, the faster ones might pull another, the longer might pull a third. And you'd end up someplace in between. The math would let you calculate where in space and time you'd end up, once all that pushing and pulling were taken into account.

OK, that's all I know about the technicalia of it. The way I have internalized it is that my life is made up of different needs and desires and forces that pull or push me in different directions simultaneously. My head wants to go three or four different ways, my heart a few others, my spirit others yet, and then there are some parts of me that seem bent on sabotaging all the others. So instead of going in any one direction with any force, I end up this gray lump that is pushed Somewhere, but it's not clear where I am or where I am going.

Sounds like that dream from the other day, doesn't it?

I've been troubled by the various vectors in my life for some time. Now that I'm taking care of Mom, I'm seeing how her vectors are sabotaging her, too. She has advanced COPD and she's pretty much bed-bound. She wants to be comfortable, which means she doesn't want to sit up or do anything taxing, but that means that her cardiovascular system is shutting down, which means her breathing is getting worse, which makes her much more uncomfortable. She would be more comfortable if she could breathe better, she would be happier if she could be more active, but the only way to get there is to stress her body a little at a time and get stronger and rebuild her lung capacity, and she'd rather not, thank you.

Sometimes she can see these contradictions clearly. Sometimes she can't. Sometimes I'll say something and she'll have no recollection of it ever having been mentioned before, and sometimes she'll be angry that I'm repeating myself for the fiftieth time. It's not senile dementia or Alzheimer's, but rather the lack of enough oxygen and probably blood flow in the brain to form new memories that stick, or to retrieve old ones on a regular basis. Whatever the cause, it's deucedly difficult to deal with, and periodically I feel I'm hanging by my fingernails.

But watching her struggle with her vectors throws my own into such sharp relief that I can't just ignore them. Part of me—OK, here are more vectors for you—wants to accept them as the multifaceted lump of God that is me, and embrace all the contradictions. Another part of me, though, feels I'm not making progress in my health, in getting my life in order, in preparing for a future without Mom, without someone to take care of, without that constant source of comfort and support. That part of me wonders if some of these little sabotaging vectors can be reversed, redirected, healed, to bring the whole Thing a little closer to my goal, my calling, my heart's desire, my bliss.

Now, if I only had an inkling what that might be. . . .

Tonight was just very cool, Starbucks.. Mini-Golf, DQ(Mcdonalds), and then the beach? It was very cool and I really enjoyed myself.. It is nice to have something to kind of bring an end to a hectic 55+ hour work week. I surely enjoyed just sitting in the car and listen to Donny, Dennis, Meredith, and DJ serenade to some awesome music, LOLOLOL (well, not so much DJ or Dennis, they really can't sing.. haha)

I hope I remember my dream for tonight!! I remembered last night while i was sleeping because i generally sleep for 4 hours, wake up and toss.. then go back to sleep and have a different dream.. so i remembered them while i was tossing but when i woke up i had forgotten them...

Planet Power, Astrology by my own personal Dumbledore, MojoPo.

Mang Busyo is just an ordinary guy, he is a farmer turned to be a cab driver as he could no longer till his land because it was converted into a subdivision. Because he lives in the place Mang Busyo used the money they paid him for his farm to put up a little business. He started a sari-sari store but was bankrupt because of unpaid credits from his customers.

He quitted with his sari-sari store and tried his luck as operator/driver of a tricycle cab. Because there were only two of them in this business, he succeeded. More people came and transfered residence to the subdivision, the volume of passangers grow and so he has to buy another cab to fill up the needs for a transport service. Mang Busyo soon operate several units of tricycle in the area. 

But soon Mang Busyo suddenly faced a difficulty of coping with the ever increasing prices of gasoline. Now his concern main concern is how to save gas so his income shall not be depleted with weekly increase of price of gasoline.

He consulted experts on how to economize on fuel cost and was told to go on bio-fuel. Others suggested that he will convert his motorcycle fuel into LPG. The cost of doing so is high so he abandoned the idea.

Now all he could do is to dream to find a stream full of gasoline so he could just get his fuel from natural sources. But then he stopped dreaming again on that idea, lest there would be fire anywhere. Again he dream of water fuel, it is safe and available anywher. But he stopped dreaming again on water fuel because he could not make up his mind whether it is a salty water or a fresh water. Somebody suggested to him about rain water, but seldom it rains also in his place and what about summer? So what is left for him to dream is a fuel-less motor vehicle. The summit of his dreams, a dream that may not come true because his wife suggested instead to use bicycle.

Sa Wika ni Rizal

Grabe ka talaga Mang Bosyo, ayaw mong gumasta, ayaw mung mapinsala ang iyong bulsa. E, pangarap lang iyan... Pero ganito talaga si mang Bosyo, pinaghahandaan ang hinaharap. Tutoo nga naman kapag mayroon kang naiipon na pera, may magagamit ka sa mga panahon ng pangangailangan. Kaya ito na naman ang pinapangarap ni Mang Bosyo ang buhay na wala kang ginagasta, buhay na wala kang iniipon, at buhay na wala kang inaalala... Puwedi ba iyon? 

(my guy imports olive oil from this farm in italy. it's my inspiration for the day)

hi there! hope you had a great holiday. it's been a couple days and so much has happened. living like this is wild, really different from apartment living! not that i'm living there yet. i haven't done much lately since my guy is in town. it's finished inside as far as cleaning (actually it still needs another round i'm gonna give it), painting is done and cable is on, lastly, the floors have to be professionally cleaned. and how!

it's not that this is the home of my dreams but it's a block from the beach and directly next door to liz which is the only reason i took it. we're both surrounded on all other sides so we call it 'the compound.'

i guess it's a good time to rent because owners want to have people in their places, so you can get a make a good deal. i got in with just 1 month's rent and amortized the security over 4 months.

this is the third place i'm fixing up after renting. i have never owned property but it's fun to make deals with your landlord for your sweat equity. he's paying for the renovations, i'm overseeing!

i feel really lucky to be caretaker of these old and giant trees and plants

it's a wild jungle, i have lots to do

of course liz's came perfectly manicured

i saved these pics for liz but have no idea where i got them. i'll look at my history tomorrow. all she wants is a jacuzzi and a trampoline.

as for the insides, fresh paint changes everything, even the garage floor. i got some sage to burn in there tomorrow and hopefully that will chase the smelly demon out!

i was in the bookstore today when my friend carol called with the challenge to make this house totally green. get solar panels, solar water heating etc, paint, recycling, etc

so i started researching

www.amazon.com/Green-Chic-Saving-Earth-Style

www.gaiam.com

thank god they recycle here. from south beach to where i was there was no recycling! it was nutz!

more researching led me here

www.solarenergy.com

and

in florida for a free consultation www.solarenergysystems.com

they got me with this:

The pleasure of a remote home or cabin is even greater when you are sure of year after year of trouble-free electrical power, with practically no maintenance needed. Dependable ProCharger systems operate silently, burn no fuel, and create no waste. Modular design lets you expand a system easily if your electrical needs grow.

oh, plus brad pitt's into it too :)

www.msnbc.msn.com

are you using solar power at all? what about recycling? do you have it? isn't that a stupid question? miami beach does not recycle.

as for the spiders, one of my handy guys did end up relocating them from the entrances to the house, all but this one. i couldn't believe it but he actually sewed a salvage edge in the center of the web for reinforcement. how could i destroy that?

Overall: 80/35 2008 is kind of like a Tootsie Roll--meant to please everyone, but somehow not really pleasing anyone. The bands were too broad for anybody to really enjoy the festival, except perhaps hippies since I've never met a hippie that didn't say, "No." to a festival where at least one jam band was on the bill. I think festival-goers of Ozzfest, Warpred Tour, etc probably were/are a lot more pleased since there is an obvious focus. But to be fair to 80/35, I'm not sure if I could put together a better line-up...for a crowd that seems to have little interest in music to begin with...

I only saw a few (four) bands perform...

Andrew Bird: I think this was my favorite performance of the the entire festival. I have been wanting to give him a listen for awhile and his performance was a good reminder to do so. I think, with the exception of indie kids and some out-of-towners, nobody knew he existed before Friday evening.

Flaming Lips: Fuck Bush. Fuck this war. Am I the only one getting tired of hearing this everywhere from MTV to the anarchist's hat at the bus stop? It is the general consensus that America does say, "Fuck Bush and Fuck this War," so can't we go beyond spreading the word that has already been spread and focus on the next election? Anyway....the Flaming Lips are known for their crazy, over-the-top, party-style performances. Is it just me of did it seem like we got a slightly abbreviated performance? With the naked painted ladies, skull costume and psychdelic colors, I was mostly reminded of a Beavis and Butt-head dream sequence, which isn't bad, but who wants a dog when you can have a puppy? Maybe I would have enjoyed this more had a pair of giants not been standing right in front of me.

Black Francis: I went to see Black Francis hoping for the Pixes, or even Frank Black. :( It still was thrilling to see a member of one of my favorite bands perform though.

Poison Control Center: This was the most fun performance. Their loyal fans love them, so the energy is great!

Food: I ordered chicken nachos and there were six-inch pieces of chicken on them, which made them impossible to eat without sitting at a table with a fork and knife. Also, they put shredded cheese on top of pump cheese, ew! I wish I could have found the regular nachos you get at ballparks or movie theaters. OH well, I had some delicious Thai Food afterwards.

Drink: The beer was cheap and the one with the one with the horse was decent. The water was cheap too, but the vendor was overly aggressive when it came to tipping!

Conclusion: I definitely have to commend the committee/people that made this happen because it was quite the feat. Good luck next year!

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dr. power. revolution involving tanks. the new deference.